Author: Chellyz View

Five Steps to Help You Recover When Life Plans Alter Your Plans by Chellyz View

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Just when I decided to show up consistently

I knew this was the year of building at least one steady business! Yes, if you know me, I state that every year—is a new time for hope, opportunities, and business ventures. I was excited with a capital E. My other venture Heart Full of Wellness, was gaining traction. I was on the road to growth. Of course, just like that, something happened. If you heard me state this previously well, I must express this again. I felt like I was in an episode of the show Good Times!!!  If you are familiar with this classic sitcom you would recall as soon as the family was about to live that champagne life….shyt happened. The plans of life were altered repeatedly.  

I was showing up regularly for myself. On Saturdays, I attended a Yoga class with one of my Spiritual Sisters at a not-so-faraway but could-be-closer studio. I wanted to build my skillset and confidence level to teach real-life courses instead of virtually. The Zumba class I taught with my other Spiritual Sister at her church was growing. We were teaching Zumba to an actual crowd. I mean, more than five people were showing up. Consistently!

Oh yeah, I was finally using my gym membership. Besides having fees drawn from my bank account, I was spending time at the gym with a group of others, motivating me. Also, I was offered to teach a summer yoga class in a community garden and would receive a monetary donation. I finally felt my wellness business wasn’t just the seed I planted in the ground but was blossoming into something viable and visible.

Outside of my business, I was preparing to lead a Yoga class once a month at the school I was assigned to. However, the unimaginable happened. An injury in my body occurred, which bullied me into sitting down. I knew my body wasn’t feeling its best. I felt like the egotistical enemy in a Rocky or Creed movie. I arrogantly fought the fight against the pain I was feeling in my body a few times and the outcome wasn’t favorable. My body told me to “Sit down somewhere.” So, for now, that is what I must do. Well, not quite. I continue to fight but strategically!

Dealing with the adjustments

Just like that, my schedule and enthusiasm were altered. I had to revise what exercising or “wellness” looked like to me. I needed to alter my business plans with disappointment. Teaching Zumba classes would be placed on hiatus. Also, no teaching Yoga in the Garden this summer. No gym visits. Take it easy is what the physicians were telling my brain, but depression had a conversation with my heart and said another business venture failed. So, I sat there with sadness while pain invaded me. Just like that, on a Saturday morning, things changed from regular routines of activity to rounds of nothingness. The mind is a powerful tool!!! But, of course, you already know that. So, now that I have survived yet another episode of Good Times in my life, what’s next?

Five Steps that are helping me adjust to alterations of everyday life that can help you too!

Honor your strengths

Observe and recognize the changes that have occurred then focus on your strengths. The injuries my body have sustained may change how I show up in the boxing ring of life (figuratively speaking), but it doesn’t mean I can’t appear in those boxing matches differently. For example, instead of showing up on the Yoga mat, I am practicing Chair Yoga which hasn’t been a stranger to me. Chair Yoga and I used to hang out regularly. I welcomed the practice back into my life and saw the practice as my strength, not my weakness. I taught a chair yoga class session to two parents at the school a week ago!

Utilize your support systems

Remember, support systems mean Support!!!! Reach out and rely on them when needed. My sister continues to teach Zumba, and the participants keep showing up. Though I won’t be able to teach Yoga in the Garden this summer, I have reached out to my Yoga Mentor, who is excited to embrace the opportunity. I haven’t returned to Saturday morning Yoga or Zumba classes yet, but I remembered to keep moving. I revisited Walk away the Pounds with Leslie Sansone on YouTube and work out at my own pace in the living room. Also, I mute the talking and tell Amazon to play my favorite tunes be it ratched or not; don’t judge!

The true meaning of practicing wellness

Sadness engulfed me and made me forget what the true meaning of wellness meant. I was concentrating on wellness from an aspect of being physically fit. When I first introduced Heart Full of Wellness to the world, I incorporated the definition of practicing wellness more from a mental perspective. I even wrote a whole book about changing your mindset entitled, “Caterpillar Dreams to Butterfly Visions,” https://a.co/d/aaLIty6 . I have to remove my ego, change my outlook and most likely reread my book again. Practicing wellness also involves sustaining a healthy mindset to cope with the bad times to appreciate the good times. I wasn’t consistently journaling, meditating, and incorporating mindfulness into my daily routine. I spoke eloquently to others about practicing wellness mentally but wasn’t applying it to myself. 

Read more: Five Steps to Help You Recover When Life Plans Alter Your Plans by Chellyz View
Handle yourself with care

The changes in my life have taught me to keep practicing what I preach. “Listen to your body.” I knew I wasn’t feeling my best, but I pushed through the pain, which caused more damage. If you need to sit down somewhere and mind your business, then do that. Being busy all the time does not mean you’re being productive all of the time. Handle yourself with care physically and emotionally. Take a break. Take a deep breath. Take a pause. Take care of yourself!

Take a moment to process your feelings

It’s alright to be emotional!!! Being angry with myself didn’t look good on me, but I gave myself permission to be angry. If I have a moment where I want to feel sad, then that’s what I do. I process my feelings those wanted and unwanted. Life won’t always be a fairytale but there’s always a lesson to learn in every story. Most importantly, while going through the motions of what I thought was most important, I realized to be thankful in spite of life alterations. Nope it ain’t easy! I am not a robot (spoken in my robotic voice). I’m understanding what it means to practice gratitude as each birthday reminds me, I made it through another year. I recall what I am grateful for in my life to help me stay grounded.

Now what happens!

Oh yeah! Beginning physical therapy is leading me in the right direction to recovery! I continue to “pivot.” Hey, you know I must place a buzzword in here. Yes, I allow myself to be creative, so I won’t give up on myself or my business.

I hope this encouraged you when life doesn’t go as expected, but that doesn’t mean to stop showing up. However, if you continue to find yourself unable to adjust to life alterations and challenges, seek professional help. You deserve to enjoy Good Times, and I don’t mean that in a bad way! Until next time……

-Let your heart be full of new ventures that will lead you to the possibilities of limitless conversations!

References

Caterpillar Dreams to Butterfly Visions https://a.co/d/aaLIty6

Featured image for post

Photo by Jeff Stapleton from Pexels: https://www.pexels.com/photo/person-holding-a-cardboard-banner-with-what-now-written-on-it-5802888/

https://www.youtube.com/@LeslieSansonesWalkatHome

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Have Faith to Complete Your Goals in Life! by Chellyz View

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Hello to You and You and YOU!!! Well, it is time for an update. As I mentioned in my post earlier in the year, I will be checking on everybody this Spring. I blinked, and well, it’s Summer. Since we’ve last chatted electronically through this blog, I have done a thing or two! Oh, you want to know? Thanks for asking.

I have been exercising this word FAITH. Thanks for following A Heart Full of Conversations, but I would like to introduce you to my other baby, Heart Full of Wellness, founded when I needed to heal. Heal from grief, stagnation, depression, and the constant news of social injustice. Heart Full of Wellness aims to renew, inspire, and flourish the mind, body, and soul while finding balance in life through Yoga, Zumba, Meditation, and Motivational Quotes! Check out the FB and IG page (Heart Full of Wellness). Heart Full of Wellness became a whole legit entity on October 21, 2020. For almost two years, I have been teaching Zumba, Chair Yoga, and sharing motivational quotes to keep me and YOU inspired. In addition, I will be offering Meditation and Mindfulness sessions in the future.

Not only have I been using tools such as Zumba and Chair Yoga to keep me going, but I completed and published a whole book, everyone! It is entitled, “Caterpillar Dreams to Butterfly Visions: An Inspirational Workbook to Help You Navigate through Your Fears So You Can Fly!” Yes, it was an off-and-on relationship with the writing pen for about five years. I am telling you all this to say have FAITH. Yep, I know if you are anything like myself, you have been second-guessing your first, second, and third move. For now, concentrate on your first move. What is it you want to do at this moment? Say it real loud! What? I didn’t hear you, and I know you didn’t listen to yourself. Repeat it. Louder! Oh, so that is what you want to do? Ok then, I hear you! Now, let’s put this idea into action and complete it!

Available on Amazon or http://www.heartfullofwellness.com

I have the FAITH that you will be sharing the news about your latest accomplishment(s) soon. Guess what? I have another major project in store, which will be completed before the end of the year. See how that works? I finished that book, and now I continue to use my FAITH to focus on another significant plan. Well, stay tuned for the upcoming project. Hopefully, the next time I check on you, your project will be in the works, and you will have a completion date too!

-Let your heart be full of new ventures that will lead you to the possibilities of limitless conversations!

Adding Creativity to Your Life! by Chellyz View

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If you are reading this, then Happy New Year. See, how I did that without adding the s in year! We have reached over 30 days into 2022, and I don’t know about you, but it feels like Day 399. Seriously, I have been tried, tested, and traumatized but still triumphant. So, I have to show gratitude because I am using this platform to write about it. 

You know how I feel about Resolutions. I stopped believing in those a while back. If you don’t remember, check out the post: https://aheartfullofconversations.com/2020/01/03/whats-going-to-keep-you-going-in-the-new-year-chellyz-view/ Hey, I don’t have time for making pledges that I don’t have time to keep. 

I want to talk about my visit to the Detroit Institute of Arts on Saturday, January 15, 2022. I posted a few pictures on the IG page the day after! Check them out at your leisure @aheartfullofconversations. I needed that visit to the DIA for a bit of inspiration; what better way to honor your creativity than to go to a museum to be inspired by other artists who visualized the big picture and allowed it to come to life on canvas or other forms such as a statue or photographs. So, first, I viewed cars from the 1950s to 1960s at the Detroit Style exhibit. 

From DIA Exhibit: Detroit Style Car Design in the Motor City 1950-2020

Then, I stood in awe while viewing the paintings from the Shield of the Nile Reflections exhibit brought to you by Shirley Woodson, who is 86 years young. Next, I perused three floors of artifacts, culture, and portraits that either made me say, hey, I could have done that or left me speechless because of its profound beauty.

Arts of Africa Exhibit at the DIA

Are you showing up today to ask yourself how you can be creative this year? What’s influencing you? Will it be a trip to your local museum? How about encouraging words from a video you just watched on social media? Will you be writing in a journal? Do you think you will be creating a vision board? Oh yeah, I’ve done that also. Check out my board of creativity below!

My Infamous Vision Board

We have a whole year to express our creative side. I don’t want you to reach day 355 and talk about I should have done this, and I should have done that. Be creative. Bring a splash of excitement to your life. Be it wearing bright, bold colors, which I was afraid to do because I felt safe wearing earth tones. It might be deciding to write with a purple pen. Hey, do you still own a pen? Or, it could be trying something new at your favorite restaurant. Cause you know me, I’m either ordering the Fettucine Alfredo with Shrimp or Chicken or the Salmon with Asparagus. Whatever you do, be creative. Enjoy life because it’s been challenging these past couple of years dealing with well; I’m not even mentioning it. 

Alright, keep me posted about how you welcomed a little creativity in 2022. Comment on this post to keep me updated. Until next time, I will check on you in the Spring!  

-Let your heart be full of new ventures that will lead you to the possibilities of limitless conversations!

Featured Image by Ashray Dravidian on Unsplash

Tis the Season to Just Figure it Out by Chellyz View

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Hello Detroiters, those in the Metropolitan surrounding areas and beyond!  It’s the Holiday Season.  You may be full of cheer or feeling quite Bah-Humbug or just trying to figure it out!  Either way, just stopping by to bring you good tidings, a Lil cheer, and encouragement.  My emotions are generally the same for my two favorite holidays, Halloween, and Christmas:  excited and excited! However, with the children getting grown and losing people I dearly loved, the dynamics of life are…changing.  I don’t stay up until 5:00 am imperfectly covering gifts with overpriced pretty paper and bows while praying I don’t run out of scotch tape.  Unfortunately, I didn’t pay attention in the kitchen when my grannies were cooking, so the recipes of homemade rolls, sweet potato pies, and thee best cakes on this Earth are no longer attached to my life. 

Last year, I informed you of losing my Granny https://aheartfullofconversations.com/2020/12/12/2020-the-grief-and-broken-heart-you-have-given-to-me/.  She was the last surviving member of the group known as my Most Valuable Powerhouse Grandparents .  I was blessed to have 3 Grannies and 3 Granddaddies.  My paternal grandparents dissolved their marriage and married new mates long before I was conceived.  That is how I was blessed with three sets of beautiful grandparents who spoiled me royally.  Well, to say the least many of you might be missing grandparents, parents, and loved ones.  Whatever you do, I pray that you get the help and support you deserve to function through grief, depression, or emotional roller coaster rides.

As we are in this Holiday season trying to figure out life and closing out another year, figure out each day the best way you can. If you don’t have the money to shop, don’t worry about it.  If you do, I hope you don’t overspend like I used to. But, on the other hand if you feel like chilling in your PJs living your best life, then do that.  We get so wrapped up in finding the perfect gift or stuck in how things used to be that we forget to be present in the now (I know I must have told you this before).

Retrieved from http://www.museumhack.com

Whatever you decide to do this holiday season, make sure you find peace with it and in it.  Yes, reminisce about the good old days, and sit with whatever emotion you need to have as company. But, if those visitors that are causing you pain won’t leave, please seek help.

If you are up to it, experience something new you can add to your repertoire.  Honor traditions that are meaningful to you but be intentional about stirring up some new memories to savor.  Well, that’s it for now!   My gift to you is learning how to keep these posts simple yet informative! 

Happy Holidays!

-Chellyz View

-Let your heart be full of new ventures that will lead you to the possibilities of limitless conversations!

Here are some helpful links to help you stay sane!

https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline

(Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration)

1-800-662-HELP (4357)

The Samaritans

https://samaritanshope.org/get-help/

 https://bestlifeonline.com/holiday-charities/

Wherever You Are, You Can Love Detroit! by Chellyz View

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I might receive a little or lot of feedback from this post.  People may even think harsh words such as “sell-out,” “fake,” or who knows what.   Well, here it goes.  I have been singing the same tune for many years, “I will never move out of the city of Detroit.” I was really feeling this when I wrote,https://aheartfullofconversations.com/2017/02/01/starting-a-heart-full-of-conversations-to-spark-the-courageous-soul-of-detroit/. But lately, the song I sing has been quite different. So, here it goes, and it is just a melody, but I have heard the tune of, “I can move if I want to.  I don’t owe anybody anything.” My new Mantra is: “I gotta save myself, before I can try to save anybody else or I will be lost forever!”

I know my last post brought up the fact that there is still goodness in Detroit https://aheartfullofconversations.com/2021/06/05/detroit-reflection-on-whats-good-here-by-chellyz-view.  My heart will always love Detroit. But, who knows, I will probably never move. However, I was very critical of individuals who left, but I felt all emotional because I never dared myself to step out on faith and explore new surroundings.

Next year my daughter will be graduating from high school, and she is excited about attending college out of state.  She is also considering attending a college in MI but living on campus. So, I am feeling sad and excited at the same time.  I am realizing that the time is flying by and she will be leaving the nest soon. However, I am enthusiastic because she is more adventurous than I was at her age. A new environment is what she thrives for. I understand.

Four years from now, my son will also be leaving.  Though he is not sure if staying in Detroit or any parts of Michigan is the plan, he did indicate he would like to move to another area just for a little while.  However, he did reassure me that he would return to Detroit to give back to the community.  A change of scenery is needed for his well-being.  I understand!

Over the years, I have known people who desired to have a change of pace or wanted to find new opportunities.  There have been friends and family who left and returned. There have also been those who relocated and never longed to move back, but that does not mean they don’t love the city.  I am beginning to realize I am getting older.  I have more years behind me instead of in front of me.  I know you have heard your elders state this phrase before.  Well, now here I am reaffirming the statement.  Move how you want, but it doesn’t mean you or even me can’t love this beautiful place from wherever we are!

I guess I am writing this to state, and it is not like anybody needs me to say this but do what makes you content. Leave, stay or return; if you love Detroit, no matter where you are, that will never change. I am preaching to myself as well.  Whether I stay or leave, Detroit will always be in my heart.  Live your life, love this life and do what you need in life to make yourself happy wherever your soul leads you.  Until next time……… 

-Let your heart be full of new ventures that will lead you to the possibilities of limitless conversations!

DETROIT: Reflection on What’s Good Here! by Chellyz View

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The news blasted, and I heard a voice on the television telling its viewers of sob stories. Hearts dropped. Questions lingered. Ears pierced with the sounds of sadness roaming throughout the room. The headlines told of situations that were becoming too familiar. However, I want to take this time to switch the narrative. I just need to turn off the madness and shed light on what’s still good here.

Believe it or not, there is still good here! Slow rolls on bikes. A leisure game of basketball is happening at the park or on the street where you will find a milk crate serving as a hoop. Children are playing tag. Yes, the aroma of BBQ wishing I had learned to be a better cook. Awwww yeah, that’s my song. You know there is a hustle to that one. Consuming chips that are Better when they are Made from the D. 

Enjoying good ol’ pop, known as Vernors (or soda if you are from another region) with healing properties that can cure a tummy ache. Hmmmm, or maybe just buy a Faygo at the store. Any flavor will satisfy your palate.  

Too often, we are inundated with another sad incident, but it is still good here. Strolls along the Riverwalk. Excited by telling people, “We got a whole Island in our city.” Snacking on Coney Dogs or Chili Fries that make your toes curl and heart smile.  

Retrieved from YouTube from Hardcore Detroit video entitled, “Detroit Jit battle in Capitol Park!!! Final Battle”

I’m reminiscing about wishing to know how to Jit as I tap my feet to some ol’ school music. “Where you from, who you wit?” I reply, “The Motor City, and I’m just chillin’ by myself.”

Yes, there are layers to this ish, and if you are bold enough to remove them, you will discover it is still good here.

Some neighborhoods have historic homes and are close-knit. We are more than abandoned houses and empty fields. There is a richness here, and if you haven’t heard, people from the outskirts are trying to purchase many of the properties and land this side of Eight Mile.  

The sounds of ice cream trucks. The evidence that legends were born here if you ever drive by that studio called Motown. I know there are times it may not feel like it, but there are still good attributes here. 

Yes, some challenging issues need to be addressed, but I ain’t here to visit that right now. I just showed up for a second to remind you to invest the time to find what is good here such as museums, festivals, or tours (if you’re not comfortable yet, wait until the Covid-19 numbers decrease) because it’s truly worth it. I can go on and on about what’s good here like fresh styled box braids flowing in the wind.  

I know you have some fond memories and gentle reminders that it ain’t all bad in the 313. Please share them with me when you have a lil time. No matter what the doubters state, I am here to tell you, “There’s still goodness here! There’s still goodness in Detroit!”  

-Let your heart be full of new ventures that will lead you to the possibilities of limitless conversations!

Reference

Hardcore Detroit video retrieved from YouTube, “Detroit Jit battle in Capitol Park!!! Final Battle.”

Adapting My Mind to a New Perspective about Yoga! by Chellyz View

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Chair Yoga is Giving me LIFE!!!

Adapting My Mind to a New Perspective about Yoga! by Chellyz View

I am trying to remember my first encounter with Yoga. There was a mat, people who may not have resembled me, the instructor, and a studio. I have practiced Yoga, or should I state, inconsistently participated the art form on the mat for years. However, it wasn’t until I enrolled in the 200hour Yoga Teacher Training Program offered by My Vinyasa Practice and conducting the research that I had a newfound realization about the Practice. It is different for everyone and can be for anyone, especially for people who look like me! 

2020 was so disrespectful!

It’s incredible how we discuss healing but are hesitant about finding methods to help us heal. 2020 was grueling, challenging, upsetting, and downright disrespectful. I’ve said this before but let me state this again, a national health crisis by the name of COVID-19, the ills of racism, the pain from witnessing police brutality, and the aggressive death angel who snatched my beloved granny by November 2020 was too much. Rewinding to June 2020, a confident being by the name of Imani @imaniizlove shared that there were Scholarships available for People of Color to obtain their 200YTT certification. After applying, I was one of the hundreds of recipients awarded the scholarship, but I was scuuuurrreedd, nervous, and excited all at once! 

Subconsciously, I knew I wanted to be a Yoga Teacher. As I mature in life, healing and trying to maintain my sanity are essential values that I have adopted. Yoga would help me remain afloat, and I could assist others to stay above water with me. Still, after observing others on their journey and remembering my experiences with the Practice, I began to believe that it wasn’t designed for me (a woman of color). I would practice and study on and off, but I felt intimidated, so I didn’t take this opportunity as seriously as I should have.

Allow people to help when you need it!

Eventually, by the end of September 2020, the Holy Spirit allowed me to cross paths with Queen Yoga Pro Sis Jinave, who graduated from the program in January 2021. She taught me to start embracing my journey as a Yoga Teacher in Training, quit overthinking the process, and challenged me to create and present Yoga flows. She held me accountable! Also, she stressed Yoga is practiced on the mat and most definitely off the mat. By November and December, I read more and more about this Ancient Practice’s philosophy, but it wasn’t until January 2021 I became dedicated to practicing more consistently. By then, Queen Yoga Pro Sis Jinave @baldheadedbusiness introduced me to the P.H.D. Queen of Yoga Maya @naturallymaya. These two mentors were not placed on this Earth to play. They showed me that Women of Color in this world show up and show out to help and heal with Yoga by their definition and not how society “believes” it should be.  

Since increasing my knowledge base about Yoga, I have learned that there are adaptations to various poses and different forms such as Hatha, Vinyasa, Ashtanga, and Restorative. My brain was dancing with delight as I mentally absorbed the foundations and concepts of Yoga. I knew this was a lifetime journey that I can apply to myself daily. I was learning about Compassionate Self-Forgiveness in the program. I was retaining valuable information about the Yamas and Niyamas of Yoga which are the first two paths of the eight-limbed paths of Patanjali. These first two limbs can be described as the moral codes of conduct for Yoga. There are five concepts associated with the Yamas and five concepts related to the Niyamas. The Yama principle that stood out for me was Brachmachaya (moderation). 

My path to enlightenment is ongoing. I am dedicated to building a stronger relationship with the Holy Spirit. I am integrating the philosophies of Yoga to help me to become a better human at home, work, and in the community. I am patient with myself as I learn about standing poses, inversions, flexions, and extensions. Earlier in my training, I eagerly tried to jump into bridge pose as a beginner and was traumatized for two weeks. It made me realize I must build myself to that point. Again, there’s that word MODERATION! Take your time with the Practice! Learn at your own pace. 

Sometimes you have to block out the negativity

Two years ago, I was at a Yoga Studio attempting to move into a pose (asana), and a lady turned and looked at me and stated, “Oh, you are doing it wrong.” I just looked at her and shrugged my shoulders. However, I wanted to yell and say, “Who are You? You don’t know me like that.” Any who, now, I know there is no right or wrong way to evolve or allow your body to move into a pose. We don’t have to adapt our bodies to Yoga when feeling bullied in a studio, watching some You Tube video, Instagram post or Tik Tok Challenge. However, Yoga must adapt to our bodies. When trained properly, we can safely make Yoga look like we want to as we allow ourselves to heal. People need to understand it is perfectly fine to “modify a pose!” I am sharing the fundamentals I am acquiring about the Practice with my teenaged daughter as she shows interest in Yoga. She recognizes when the world tries to convince her how Yoga “should” look, they are wrong. 

I also learned about unwanted samskaras. Those are the negative thoughts I continue to welcome into my life after showing them the exit door. Yes, they kept walking back into my life and were holding on so tight that I almost strangled myself with constant self-doubt. I thought I had recovered from this, but I needed a gentle reminder to slow my thoughts, release the pain and breathe. I am becoming more self-disciplined when focusing on life goals. I will be a Yoga Teacher offering light in times of despair. I am strength. I will be compassionate to myself and others so we can welcome healing into our hearts and souls.

I am appreciative to all those who are helping me on this journey. I am thankful for the program and scholarships founder Michelle Young of My Vinyasa Practice, and the organization Yoga Pose has offered to allow scholars of color to obtain their 200YTT certification at no cost. I have delved deeper into understanding the foundations of the Practice and feel more confident. Yes, Yoga is inclusive, and there is space for every race and shape to enjoy its mental and physical healing powers! Namaste!    

I have Graduated! Now time to teach and practice with YOU!

-Let your heart be full of new ventures that will lead you to the possibilities of limitless conversations!

The Gift of Encouraging My Children to Participate in Creating Their Life Story by Chellyz View

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This Thing Called Parenting

After watching one of my favorite shows yesterday, “This Is Us,” and having a chat with my Spiritual Sister, I began reminiscing about myself and my story. As my mind wanders off, I began to think about the story my son and daughter will create and how they will contribute and leave a footprint on this place called Earth. The theme “Story” played in my mind like uncertain rhythms swaying to and fro. I can hear the thoughts flowing melodically in my ears saying: “Allow your children to participate in creating their life story!” My reply, “Say what?”

Parenting and fulfilling the role of attempting to be an exceptional parent can get stressful. Caring parents want what’s best for their child(ren). However, as parents, caregivers, and guardians, we can become overbearing. Please don’t get me wrong boundaries must be set. Certain expectations need to be met. Also, when we see their errs may cause more harm than good, we must intervene and offer direction so that they can see what is correct. Nurturing and guiding the children of the future is a heavy responsibility. It would be easy if all children were designed to act and think the same, but each child is blessed with their personality, gifts, strengths, and weaknesses. Every day I am learning because there is no Netflix or Prime Time special with all the answers that we can Binge watch to become the perfect parent or guardian. With that being said, I just wanted to share a few quick lessons I have learned. I have a thousand more, but let’s start here.

The Open Door of Communication

I encourage my children to share their thoughts or experiences whether I want to hear them or not. In a respectful manner, of course.  Believe me, all of the stories or feelings they convey to me won’t be pleasant. However, I want to ensure that they know there is no unique code or key to use when expressing themselves to their Momma. We already have come to terms that I won’t be the “Amen Queen” and agree with everything they say or do, but they shouldn’t be afraid to talk to me when facing a stressful problem or situation.

Finding Balance When It’s My Dream, Not their’s!

Oh yeah, I remember a time when I wanted my daughter to continue ballet classes. I um well hmmm let me umm yeah tell you I sort of made her take dance classes for over three years because that was my dream. I wanted to be a professional ballet dancer. By the time I reached my teenaged years, I stopped taking dance. I wanted to sashay on the stage on my tippy toes in high school, but I faced rejection too many times.  For that reason, I was too afraid to audition. So, with my daughter, I encouraged….to be honest, I told her, “You are going to take dance whether you like it or not.” Eventually, I came to my senses and apologized. I was living my dream through my daughter. I had to realize that was my dream, not hers. Even with my son, I wanted him to enjoy football, baseball, soccer, name a sport!  Oh, he was going to be a pro. Well, I made him play soccer, but I had to realize that once again, I was projecting my dreams and aspirations on my children. Yes, I still motivate them to try something new and complete the class or course until the season is over. However, if they are not passionate about it, I let it go. They will discover their niche or talent in due time.  

Now there are days I feel the need to bond with my children and I have them participate in activities that will lead them to taking a break from that phone and let loose of the video games. For example, the other night we enjoyed the “Painting with a Bliss”  Facebook Live Pre-Valentine’s Day Activity sponsored by Prayer Temple of Love Cathedral.  They weren’t pleased at first but in the end, we enjoyed creating precious moments!!!

Setting the Example

Now, chile Imma be truthful! Not only do we have to tell our children to be and do their best, but hell, as parents, we must be accountable also. We must take a look at ourselves even when we don’t want to.

There were times when I have not led by example. Becoming a parent or guardian does not make us natural-born leaders. However, if we want to authentically be the best parent we can be, we must not only offer correction but learn to self-correct.

Pressures of Perfection

I can’t believe I am still writing about COVID-19, but here we are about a year later annnndddd…. It’s still here like Gorilla glue stuck on that laid-back ponytail that you can’t remove.  I keep hearing horror stories of students learning virtually from home. Many scholars that were on the honor roll have fallen off the grid! I wanted my children to be top scholars at all times, but I had to ask myself a few questions. Was I good in all subjects? Did I have moments where I did better than others? As a child, did my Momma and I have to thrive through a pandemic? I was getting angry at myself and my children. I felt like a failure, but I had to remember I can’t expect perfection in an imperfect world. Academics are important, but mental health is just as important. Instead of adding pressure in our household, we are collectively exploring tools and methods to help us all cope and relieve the stress of this mess.

“When it’s All Said and Done”

Oh yeah, I can hear the elders saying, “When it’s all said and done.” We can offer wisdom, direction, a listening ear, encouragement, a place to call home, financial assistance, prayer, and a host of other gems in this thing called the “Circle of Life.” Often, I might yell too much, cuss a tad bit too much, get frustrated a little bit too much because I love them that much. But I have to recognize when I am doing more harm than good. As the years progress, I am learning to allow my children to actively participate in helping them shape and create their life story. Our children will evolve into a whole grown person making their own decisions.  Maybe one day, they will raise and/or mentor a child or children. They will have to figure out how to welcome their youngsters to become active contributors to their life story. Hopefully, they will reminisce and remember how as parents or guardians we offered what we could through the perils of life, believing with faith they will do well for themselves and humankind.

-Let your heart be full of new ventures that will lead you to the possibilities of limitless conversations!

References

https://www.facebook.com/prayertempleoflove

This is Us. (2021) WDIV, 9 February.

2020, The Grief and Broken Heart You Have Given to Me

/ Chellyz View / 2 Comments
Granny and Me in 2017

2020, The Grief and Broken Heart You Have Given to Me by Chellyz View_

– Granny this is dedicated to you

No matter how much you try to convince yourself you will be strong as you watch a loved one transition from their earthly form to evolving into a spiritual being, it isn’t easy. At some point, my family and I knew we couldn’t be selfish because we wanted her to stay. During one of my last visits, I whispered in her ear and assured Granny that we would be alright because we didn’t want her to suffer anymore. A couple of weeks before she left us, her last prayer was, “Father, take me to the Heavens,” with her hands lifted to the sky.

On November 15, 2020, at 2:13 pm, on a cold and windy day, my Granny took her last breath, tiptoed out of her bedroom of 62 years, and peacefully walked into Heaven. I know she was welcomed by the Heavenly Father, ancestors, and many individuals she missed so dearly.

One and a half years old with my Granny

I don’t know about you, but 2020 broke my heart and, at times, my spirit more than ever. There have been other years where I have faced heartache and pain, but this year’s rounds of ups and downs have been more severe. Thanksgiving was very different this year. We didn’t have Granny, but we had each other. My family is small, but we have big hearts. This holiday taught me the importance of what courage and love from family truly meant though we may not always agree. We understood without a doubt that we can lean on each other. We smiled, laughed, danced, cried, and created new beautiful memories despite our sadness. I know Granny is proud of us!

First Family Thanksgiving without Granny 2020

Grief is very draining, and it can deplete every bit of you. It was challenging to grieve during this pandemic. Only so many people could attend the funeral and no risk of having a repass because we wanted to be cautious. As a grieving heart begins to heal, there will be those painful times when things seem so heavy. A challenging moment occurred while I was trying to find a song for Granny’s slide show. It was dark outside, and the tears began to flow while playing a rendition of “Grandma’s Hands.” Suddenly, the sun peaked through my window for a quick second. It felt as if Granny stopped by and hugged me right then, and I felt a sense of peace and thankfulness.

I must admit one of the most important lessons I learned this year is to be grateful for every minute. Family members, friends, legends, and famous people have been leaving this Earth in record numbers; it seems this year. Show appreciation to those you love before it’s too late. Try to forgive others and ask others to forgive you. However, if the efforts of resolving old wounds and binding broken relationships go awry, then it is time to let things go.

I know you heard this a thousand times (probably in a previous post), but life is too short to hold on to bitterness and anger. Life is too precious to hang on to people who keep reminding you of who or what you used to be. You know the ones who don’t know how to let go of the past. The present time is waiting for you to live life to the fullest with your presence even while navigating through grief!

Granny at her 70th Birthday Party

We are moving closer to a new year. I can’t promise you that soon as the clock strikes midnight in 2021, everything will be perfect. So, don’t wait for 2021 to find peace. Find it now. Be grateful now. Search for what can heal you now. Grow through this now. Learn to find a moment every day to practice thankfulness now.

It’s ok not to be strong all the time. Please know it is alright to lean on others that can help you. Reach out to someone now. Take care of yourself now. Look to the Holy Father to help you renew your strength now. 2020, you might have broken my heart in so many pieces, but step to the side while I welcome Love, Peace, and Happiness. I know with time time my grieving heart will slowly mend!

-Let your heart be full of new ventures that will lead you to the possibilities of limitless conversations!

Jeff Lorber featuring Eric Benet. “Grandma’s Hands.” He Had a Hat, Blue Note Records, 2007.

Remotely stung while being at Home by Chellyz View

/ Chellyz View / 1 Comment

Earlier this year I wrote an article about 2020 being Canceled.  Yep, that was my buzzword.  However, I have a new word that is buzzing around like a busy bumble bee in my home and it stung me.  “Remotely.”

I’m working remotely from home.  My children are learning remotely from home.  I’m podcasting remotely from home.  Outraged about social injustices while watching the television remotely from home. Grieving about the violence in the hood or losing another legend as I scroll through social media while remotely at home. Overwhelmed with everything while adjusting to the abnormalities of 2020 as I sip on tea because I’m remotely dealing with the bulls@&# while being at home. “Remotely.” “Remotely.” “Remotely.” Ouch!

Earlier this year, I wrote an article about how being at home wasn’t that bad for me since I am an introvert at least 75% of the time. However, I also stressed that everybody that is remotely at home ain’t safe. Many adults and children are dealing with some heavy “ish” during this pandemic. Lord knows I am continuously praying for those and always trying to provide resources to help others and even myself at times.

Since this “remotely” situation has been going on, I feel the stinging sensation piercing through my body. The side effects included feeling tired and drained. One of my children is adjusting fairly well and maintaining a decent grade point average though they yell at the computer screen from time to time. The other child is walking on thin ice, and I don’t want them to fall and sink. At one point, I totally removed myself from the daily activities of everything because I just couldn’t deal or cope with it. That’s when this circumstance of being remotely at home started to feel painful.

Eventually, I had to recognize it was imperative to make ongoing efforts to find and maintain balance in my household. I’m learning to take small doses of the hardships of life instead of trying to digest big chunks of info at one time. Some days are good while other days feel like carrying a load of garbage. Ewwwww the Funk!

My heart goes out to parents who have more than two children in different grade levels while juggling multiple responsibilities. I try not to complain too much because many parents don’t have the option of working remotely at home while monitoring their child(ren) progress. They have the added stress of finding a reliable babysitter to help their child navigate through this learning from home situation.

So, there are times when I “mask up” and get in my car to change the scenery. There are times when I stand by the window watching nature as leaves on the trees transition from green to bright red or orange to eventually, they’re no longer visible. There are times when I lock myself in the bathroom to have a sacred space to meditate and get away from the busyness of life. There are times when I turn on the music loud and have my dance party even though my rhythm might be a little unsteady. There are times when I grab my mat and find peace while practicing Yoga.

If you have been stung by the plights of 2020, I encourage you to find a support group, call a friend, locate resources, or remotely remove yourself for a few moments to recover and heal.

-Let your heart be full of new ventures that will lead you to the possibilities of limitless conversations!