I’ve been working extremely hard, and that is going to change this year.  However, that statement was made to move me to another point.  I have been so exhausted these last couple of days although I rested.  I rested, for the most part literally, unless I had somewhere to be.  So on yesterday, as I usually do every year, I honored myself in keeping the ritual to bring the New Year in with clean clothes and a clean home.  What was different this year than all the other years was I started at about 5 pm.  The washing of clothes began, a journey to the grocery store, and the cleaning.  I was almost done when I realized hmmm I am not going to finish before 12 am.  I committed right then and there that I would not go into the New Year in a hurried mindset.  No, I knew that was not what I wanted.  Although then, I never realized it, but to have done so I would have come into the new year with this attitude of ‘there is not enough’….not enough time, not enough me, not enough.  When I made a different choice, immediately the thought came to me that somewhere the New Year has not started, and I thought about Arizona where my children resided.  I made the decision that would be my New Year time.  I chuckled and continue to do what I was doing.

Prior to this moment, earlier while cleaning, I remembered thinking another year of not being in companionship and no male company to bring the New Year in with.  No judgment, no sadness, but a statement to myself that next year this will change.  I kept doing what I was doing.  Here is where it gets so interesting.  Source has jokes.  My new year began with two men.  A little after 11pm a very dear friend of mine contacted me and we talked to almost 1 am and wished each other a Happy New Year.  Then another brother and I talked after he reached out to me.  Both have minds that make me think of orgasmic living.  I am not in relationship with either, but my perspective and mindset created a new experience for me.  Rather than complain about what I did not have, I set an intention.  Oh, and I forgot to say one of my beautiful sisters sent a word that she is sending love to me for the New Year.  I immediately accepted and told her I knew that it was not just only love from her but the love of a significant other as well.  So as I tell my testimony, I see what recently happened to me as Source saying ‘KEEP YOUR MIND RIGHT.  I HAVE YOU.’  Perspective is everything.

So whether it is the desire for a relationship, to finish cleaning before the New Year, a business or whatever, perspective is everything.  Begin to see all the good that is around you and in every situation.  I am so excited about 2019.  In 2018, I came out of hiding.  In doing so, which sounds like an oxymoron statement, I had to enter back into the darkness of myself with a different intent to see me and connect with myself.  This year I step into leadership first becoming a good leader of myself, my life.  Then move in the gifts to honor and to be of service to the feminine which serves us all well.

Happy Mother’s Day to all mothers.  I am deeply grateful today for my mother.  I learned so much from her.  Some things were through pain, well most things; but, everything has served me well.  It took me many years to wade through the pain and do the forgiveness work needed.  I was brutally honest, and there would be days that I simply told God I hated my mother and please help me because I do not want to feel this way.  There would be other days that I said I hate my mother and I am ok with how I feel so God please help me.  This release was not easy and not always welcomed, but so worth it.

In forgiving my mother, it took years later to understand that forgiveness was the only the first step.  I am reminded of two women who gossip and when they stop they realize they do not have anything in common or when a couple set the tone of their relationship with sex and eventually the thrill is gone.  They too realize they have nothing in common.  What I eventually understood was there was a wide disconnect between my mom and I after the pain was no longer the connection.  We had not cultivated a relationship, and this was confusing at times because I doubted my forgiveness work was complete.  My experiences served me well because I have a different type of relationship with my children.  I set the intention of open dialogue with my children which we have.

Sisters I do not want to give you the impression that the relationship I have with my children came easy.  I was my mother’s daughter.  I learned from her, and I created my point of reference flawed as it was.  I gave meaning to the narratives of my life.  Hence, my saying forgiveness is only the first step.  Next, I had to face myself and how I interpreted what happened to me.  I am still processing.  However, as I am better able to communicate to myself what I felt at the time of my life experiences. I also have become better at questioning what ‘it’ taught me and what I learned?

After listening to Jada Pinkett Smith’s fb live ‘The Red Table,’ I remember tearing up after looking at the relationship between three generations and with another woman who happened to be her husband’s ex-wife.  I loved how they were all transparent especially Jada’s mother and their ability to talk about themselves and their current and past relationship.  I began to think about my own mother.  I remember thinking I have forgiven her.  Then it dawned on me as an overwhelming feeling of compassion came up there is nothing to forgive.  This space of compassion has me in a great space.  When you understand compassion, you know but by the Grace of a Higher Power there go I.  I made some choices that were different from my mother, but I made my share of mistakes with my own children sometimes simply by not learning from her mistakes.

Compassion allowed me that day to see my mother as a human being who has her wounds like all women.  I saw a woman who had been betrayed over and over again and who did not understand how she was betraying herself.  I saw a woman who did the best she could with what she was working with.  I saw a woman who never stopped providing for her children and who cried tears that I never knew about until I was grown and more importantly did not understand until I cried them too.  Sisters our mothers and being a mothers our self is a beautiful thing.  But truth be told, many of us had our children much too early not as in age early, that too at times, but early as in before we had mothered our own self.  We had not showed up for ourselves nor learned to know what we needed and give it to ourselves.  I am grateful for the discernment that we too did the best we could with the consciousness that we had as did our parents.  Be gentle with your mother and yourself.

If you are on the road to forgiveness, please know one day you will look up and can talk about your experience as if it belongs to someone else.  Afterwards, there is more work to do as you mother (re-parent) self.  Treat yourself kind, firm, be assertive, love you, and show yourself self-care and self-pleasure.  Most of all be compassionate.  It will make your healing journey so much lighter.  I send love and light to you all.

To my own mother I say Happy Mother’s Day.  I would not trade nothing for my journey.  You had the strength of ten thousand warriors, the patience of a many saints, and the courage of many lions even if you did not know it.  For the longest time, I did not either.  Now, I see you differently.  I realize that your kindness was not weakness; your laughter is music to my ears, and I love the conversations that are organically beginning to take shape because I understand what compassion came to teach me….I am my sister(s).  I am my mother.  I am the mothers of my generation who stayed the course and birthed each other to finally get me here to do my healing work.  I was created so that my children and those coming from them will live a totally different life because the tree is in the seed…one of power, peace, and ingenuity from their conception.  Mom I love you!

My Anger has Value By Tresa Simmons

How many times have we thrown out the baby with the bath water?  Meaning how many times have we gotten rid of everything when something is out of order without stopping to take time to search what is still valid, still useful, and or have purpose in our situation.  This question came to mind as I focused on the power of my anger as I listened to Tracee Ellis Ross’ message on a Ted Talk called A Woman’s Fury Holds a Lifetime of Wisdom.  (Link has been posted at the bottom of this blog article).  Tracee tells us to communicate with our anger.  She says “Our fury is not something to be afraid of.  It holds a life time of wisdom.  Let it breathe and listen.”

As I listened to Ms. Ross’ at least 6 or more times and meditated on her talk, I thought of the contrast of my being emotional (very at times) and burying my emotions.  I also thought about what this did to my emotional health from both ends of the spectrum when having no balance.  The decision came to bury my emotions from two spaces.  First, I was taught love was the way, and I also received messages that were sometimes verbal and other times implied that anger was bad.  This left me second guessing myself and more often than not mistrusting myself which inevitably left me feeling inauthentic.  Second, my twin daughters were between two and three years of age.  My fire scorched one of them, and the look she gave me was a wake-up call.  I felt like a bucket of cold water had been thrown on me.  From that day on, I prayed to get rid of my anger.  I did not understand that I had set my life on a debilitating course, and I would live for many years missing a very important part of myself.

As God granted me my wish, my anger was extinguished but so was my ability to speak up for myself, and even my ability to decipher when I should be angry drifted away.  This experience had value as my stress level was less because my emotional meter was malfunctioning.  Very few things ever pushed my buttons.  However, I swallowed so much bullshit and cried when I should have been welding my sword and protecting myself.  Unbeknownst to me, my anger was actually my friend protecting me when I did not have the capacity to protect myself.  My anger is energy as all emotions are energy that can change in form.  The fire that could be translated as anger could also be translated as passion.  When I prayed my anger away, I prayed my passion away.  That passion was deeper than ‘I want or I desire,’ and it was a force that was meant to create my way so I could have the very desires of my heart.  Every emotion serves us well including anger, but I did not know what I did not know.

There is a scripture that says a little leaven pervades the whole lump (paraphrased by me).  Nothing is in a silo, and everything is affected.  I did not know the decision I made was akin to throwing the baby out with the bath water.  I did not know that I had sat myself on a course of keeping my heart closed.  Nothing could get out, but nothing could come in.  I was afraid of my anger the very anger that I now understand never betrayed me but I it.  I know we all can think about a time that we took up for someone who turned on us for the other person as we defended them.  Well, this is what my anger must have felt I did if it could express itself in words.

I experienced all sorts of trauma from an early age.  My anger was righteous and well deserving.  It protected me when I did not know anything else to do or be but angry.  I was terrified of that which was preserving me because I did not know how to be with my anger.  I had no model or recollection of a woman or women who made peace with their anger.  The women I saw were trying to exist and just hold on though they were self-harming and self-medicating while speaking defeatist words over their lives which often turned into depression.  Sisters when we do not honor our truth even our anger that rage goes somewhere.   I also saw and experienced those, who like me, used God as a way to abdicate our feelings to something other than our own selves.  I numbed out further using God as a ‘righteous’ excuse to do so.

The ‘religious’ teachings I learned at that time, many of them, supported the ideology that in order to be good, I had to give up my anger in the name of love.  What I know to be true, now, is there is a time and season for all things.  My mentor said God was the same loving God in Psalms as the God is in Judges.  God showed up as love, and God showed up as anger.  Both are aspects of God.  There are levels to my experiences in life as there is with God.  I feel that I am coming full circle, and I am getting an opportunity to make a different choice from a different understanding.  This reminds me of Morpheus’ question in the Matrix “do we want the blue or the red pill?” Am I willing to feel my emotions or numb them out now that I understand they all serve me well?

My take away from Ms. Ross’ message is there is value in my anger.  My anger is loving in that it creates space for my best interest.  There is a time that our anger will provide for us the same ways that love does because both have been given to us to serve our highest good as we navigate this planet called earth.  Our anger is an indicator that something does not feel right.  What is it?  Does it mean that the other person or situation is in error?  No, not necessarily.  What it does mean it is time to dig deeper because a message is being given to us.  Sometimes our anger is masked as fear.  This too is an opportunity to learn to read our inner GPS and heal our fears.

I know it was not my anger that was causing me hurt.  It was my lack of seeing and my unwillingness to take action that kept my anger raging hotter and hotter until I would explode mainly at those who loved me most.  I embrace my anger today as it is slowly returning.  In my past, I knew something was bothering me even if I did not want to deal with it, and my anger was straight to the point.  Today, it is learning to trust me and I it as we sometimes play hide in seek with each other.  I still question what it means at time.  I still second guess myself asking do I have a right to be angry.  Sometimes, I seek out other people’s opinions.  What I know is this is happening less and less.  As we hold all of our emotions sacred and specifically in this case our anger to be our GPS, we will be less inclined to throw the baby out with the bath water.  We will be more apt to sit with it and ask it what it wants to tell us.  We will see the value in our anger, and as we become skilled listeners and faithful doers our life will change exponentially to one we not only love but like.  Feeling our emotions deeply will deepen our experiences exceeding our wildest imaginations.  After all, this is authentic living.

 

 

 

A Conversation with Our Future Self By Tresa Simmons

There is a saying that hindsight is 20/20.  We all have thought or maybe said aloud if only I had known this or that I would not have made the choices that I made.  If I could go back, my decision would be different.  I would like to believe this is true for most of us.  However, there is also a saying that wherever we go, there we are meaning we make decisions based on our consciousness at the time.  A sister in one of the Facebook groups posted a question.  What does your future-self need to know?  So I thought on this question because I did not want to be flippant; and at the same time, I did not want to go into my head.  I wanted my heart to talk to me.  Here is what I wrote:

Tresa you are powerful…own it.

Tresa you are enough…believe it!

Tresa happiness is your best friend…play, laugh, and treat her honorably.

Tresa your rage is needed as much as your tenderness…respect them equally.

Babbbbbby your sensuality is palpable…taste it and Enjoy.

Intimacy with you is so divine.  You, Goddess are crowned.  Be proud and make no excuses for who and what you are.

You have the capacity to love and to forgive yourself…do it!

REMEMBER you are a gift to yourself…unwrap it.

If you are anything like me, you probably thought when you heard the word ‘future’ it means far off.  Well, the future is everything even the next second by second in front of our present moment.  How would our lives be different if our habit was to empower ourselves daily by the words we speak over ourselves? In preparation for our future self to live her best life, this would be a good start.  Thoughts in mind create after their own kind.  If that is true, and it is why not create a different experience for ourselves beginning with how we talk to ourselves using the power of language – the power of the spoken word.  Talking to ourselves differently will lead us to see ourselves the way we want to be eventually leading us to be able to see ourselves as the very thing we speak about.

It will take diligence, tenacity, and courage for many of us to fertilize and plant new seeds (words) in our garden (subconscious mind) so we can reap a new harvest.  When we have spoken poorly even badly about ourselves for so long, it becomes second nature.  We will have to pull up the weeds of self-hatred, putting ourselves last, getting around to it when I can, I am not enough, why bother, what will change, fear, laziness, or whatever will come up for us that will keep us from implementing and maintaining a changed mindset.

Sisters, why not write to your future self and tell her what you would want her to know about herself and spend time pouring into her.  Tell her you love her.  Remind her of her divinity and how powerful she is.  Most of all, remember she is you.  Who do you want to become as in how do you want to express yourself?  What does being powerful mean to you?  How do you want to show up on the planet?  We can all start with the beautiful words we write to ourselves.  Turn what you tell your future self into an affirmation.  Write the vision and make it plain.  We do not know specifically what the future holds, but we can choose how we show up.  Make your future powerful by creating the life you want to be proud of.   This may seem so simple, but there is power in our language.

If at ever you feel overwhelmed with this simple process, breathe.  Our breath is indication that God by whatever name you call your higher power is present and breathing us.  As long as we have breath, we have been shown grace and mercy.  I have decided to create a card that I can carry around for the next 30 days and upon rising and before going to sleep as well as throughout the day speak the words I wrote to my future self.  It is my desire as I meet her again and again she is someone that I am proud of someone whose love for self is impeccable.

I invite you to join me on this new journey of self-discovery of how beautiful we are and of how dynamic we can be by speaking and affirming it is so.  For you that are willing to take the 30 day journey with me, I would love to hear how this has changed your life.  This experiment does not require perfection only that we do not quit on ourselves.

LIFE HAPPENS By Tresa Simmons

Life happens.  These are the words that initially came to me while feeling bereft about a situation I went through recently that I could not control no matter how bad I wanted to.  When I got honest, I was able to say life does happen, but this situation is a creation of my own making.  I had to take responsibility and own that I brought suffering to my door.  “How does this serve me? “  In other words, “what is the payoff for me finding myself in the same situation again?”  “Why do I keep doing the same thing expecting different results?”  My conditioned response led me to focus my attention on what happened and the details of the matter.  Being willing to step aside and view the situation as if it was not happening to me allowed me to process the answer differently.   “How does this serve me” became does the way that I think about this issue perpetuate more of the same?  I knew I had to change my focus as I asked what am I thinking and believing about me.

As I talked to a dear friend about my assessment of the situation, we began to talk about another topic our history with money.  I was able to admit that my teachings about money have been minimal particularly how to have a relationship with it.  I discussed the informal training I received on what to say to the bill collectors when they called and by observing the adults around me not only in my home but through my friends’ parents as well.  “Tell them no one is home if they come to the door,” or ring, ring, ring “hello you have the wrong number and or she/he is not home” when the adults were standing in my presence.  Sometimes I saw the fear in their eyes or the sigh of relief.  This blog is not about judging my parents or anyone else’s parents.

What I am clear about is I internalized as a child what I saw and experienced and carried those viewpoints into my adult hood creating unnecessary suffering that had nothing to do with life happening.  There is a Bible verse that says a little leaven pervades the whole loaf (my interpretation).  In other words, our character is our character in every area of our life, and it cannot be compartmentalized to certain areas.  So I suggest sisters that we began to pay attention not just to the details of our situations because they may show up different but pay attention to the patterns in our life.  In most cases, we all can begin to see invisible threads that are attached to a core belief.  Avoiding the bill collectors taught me how to avoid anything that I do not want to deal with, and it left me feeling I could not be responsible for not only my money but for other areas as well.   Watching the adults’ body language and words created for me unconsciously that life is about struggle rather than being graceful, particularly as it related to my money.  For many years, I struggled with guilt as I began to prosper when others in my circle or family did not have.  I eventually learned I was cursing my blessings.

As we look at our life, let’s become transparent and honest with ourselves.  Let’s look at where we are and the feedback our life is giving to us.  It will not lie.  The feedback cannot lie.  Eventually, I saw money was not my issue.  This is a continuous learning process.  When I find myself in an emotional or physical quagmire about my money, I am beginning to question my ideas, feelings, and emotions while I look at the situation (life’s feedback) because the feedback will let you know if you are regressing, standing still, or making progress.   When we are children (immature on a topic), we see, speak, and think as women with limited skills; when we become adults, we exchange immaturity for maturity and wisdom in the way we see, speak, and think about our what we are going through.  Asking myself questions about money elicited strong emotions from me; but as I eased my way with intention paying attention clarity came.  With each lens becoming more focused, I began to feel like I was releasing a breath that I never knew I was holding.  Sort of like waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Money may not be an issue for you.  It could be relationships, careers, etc.;  If you keep finding yourself repeating the same or similar situation like a scene out of the movie Ground Hog’s Day, I would say it is time to take an inner journey of self-exploration rather than looking at the outside situation wandering and thinking ‘not again’ or ‘how did I get here again’.  I have also learned not just any question will do.  When the right questions are asked and answered in integrity, our failures become lessons and our lessons become well learned blessings as we pay attention to life’s feedback.  This will require we get clear about what we know that we don’t know as evident through life’s feedback.  We may have to utilize someone with more experience around our topic.  Don’t beat yourself up.  Awareness is the first step.  Remember the journey is just as important as arriving at our destination, and the goal is to learn our lessons along the way so we can be mature enough to honor the gift when we arrive.  Otherwise, we will sabotage or destroy the very thing we wanted.

This does not mean that we will not be challenged as we master our curriculum in life, but the reward is being able to have peace of mind and see ourselves being promoted to the next grade.  I do not know about you, but there have been many years I had to repeat the same curriculum over and over in certain areas of my life.  I did not die, although it felt like I was at times.  Also know this does not mean we may not see an old habit or pattern show up again.  From elementary to college, we learn math but a more advanced version of it.  Life can be this way too.  Celebrate yourselves each time you advance.  We also may have to refer to a previous textbook, and so is life.  Sometimes we may have to take time to review where we have come from and what we have learned to refresh our memory.  There is nothing wrong with this.  In fact, it is wisdom.  One of my coaches would say “It is layers to this shit.”  Indeed, it is.

Additional Resources

Rhonda Hemphill / Primera Representative – http://www.primerica.com/rhemphill

DeAnn Jordan / @destiny_consulting_group on Instagram or http://www.myfes.net/djordan3

Rolanda Kennedy / The Kennedy Experience Consulting LLC Facebook Page or @thekennedyexperienceconsulting on Instagram

Operation Hope in Detroit:  Level One Bank 440 Burroughs Street, Suite 522 Detroit, MI 48202 / 313-686-3113 ; Fifth Third Bank (Northwest Activity Center) 18100 Meyers Road Detroit, MI 48235 / 313-506-9192

Wayne Metro Community Action Agency (Financial Empowerment Center) http://www.waynemetro.org / 313-388-9799

 

 

 

Ain’t I a Woman???? by Tresa Simmons

As I sit here contemplating what to write, I thought about a conversation that I recently had with a male friend who came to me and said, “All I have ever wanted to do was love you.  Why won’t you let me?”  I gave valid reasons, at least to me.  The main one being if I have to make a choice “you’ or ‘me’ than it will always be me, and I stand by that truth.  Never again will I sacrifice Tresa for a man.

However, this question has been haunting me rising up and dropping like a loud thud in my psyche.   I knew I needed to go deeper for myself rather than accept my surface answer.  When I think about my upbringing, I had the idea that I could not sustain a relationship with both man and God.  I surely must choose one or the other because you cannot serve God and man.  Neither were getting the best of me because I did not come bringing the best of me. Can you imagine the psychotic roller coaster I was on?  Hormones raging as a woman, and piety and self-righteous bullshit as a ‘Christian’.  Now, don’t get all up in arms.  I am not negating or affirming what some would consider their Christian values; but what I know to be true for me and many women is we forgot as women we had the capability to give life to all things including ourselves.  We not only birthed babies, but sometimes we created bricks without straw to make sure our families had.  We supported our men until our shoulders were bent while birthing ideas into success; but mostly, we denied ourselves.  We forgot, unlike Sojourner Truth who asked the question “Ain’t I a Woman?”

My judgments about sisters who vibrated with Sojourner Truth’s words Ain’t I a Woman played in my mind as I wrote, especially since I have become my sisters.  Their freedom was more than having babies with a man and being the dutiful wife, or saying yes when they wanted to say no.   Taking ownership of how we desire to live our lives is the ultimate freedom, and these women declared they could have it all.  Some women chose to do so without children, and some with a family.   Those that chose motherhood learned the art of walking that tight rope of balance.  I have so much respect for these courageous women who laughed in the face of those who said certain topics were taboo and ‘good’ women didn’t indulge.  I would hear some of my dear friends, sisters, and female family members talk about many topics while laughing and being animated.  Sex was often a topic at the top of the list with these women, and they spoke about it in ways that I imagine both men and women both do among themselves, ie funny, ratchet stories, pain, hurt, love all with deep emotions.  Then there were those times that the sisterhood spoke in hushed tones the type that was mesmerizing.  You knew something deep was about to be said about sex in terms of intimacy in its sacredness a gift, if you will.

This gift had other sisters longing with that far-away look in their eyes or like me wishing to experience what I felt I was missing.  A seed was being planted for those of us in the room who had not experienced the sacredness of relationship with a partner that is so empowering by way of the give and take of energy, respect, kindness, and love that both parties got their needs met?  It is our season. It is not too late.  We can have the desires of our hearts, and we must begin with our own desires.  Dare to be honest.  Ain’t I a Woman is about possessing all of you?  Diving deep into the relationship with ourselves as women…in-to-me-I-see.  Intimacy with oneself takes honesty, integrity, and raw unapologetic honor.  Together they create a soul that is unwavering in her relationship with herself.  This woman is able to answer the question ‘what do I want’.  Now, that my sister, is very sexy, and sexy does look good on you.

My friends’ question “All I have ever wanted to do was to love you.  Why won’t you let me” is bringing me full circle.  I ask myself sisters did I know how to let this man or any man love me?  Have I ever known how?  What does that really mean to me?  Will love take my breath and my freedom away?  How can I receive love from another when self-love has not been the magic potion that I eat, drink, and sleep?  He is not perfect which may have been his greatest flaw in my mind.  How many of us have felt that way?  Surely, it is because we have desired for our men to give to us what we need first to give to ourselves.  So when he asked me the question and I gave my answer, his retort was “what do you need?”  Yep, he did that.  He called me out.  How many of us are experiencing moments like these?  How do I answer that question?  I didn’t know what to say.  Until I do, sisters until you can, with the understanding we need nothing although we require many things we will be like the 12 virgins of 6 whom were foolish.  The 6 foolish allowed their oil (energy, truth, understanding of and value for themselves) to go out of their lamps. They were depleted; and when their groomsman came, they missed him.  Timing is everything.  We must position ourselves in preparation for the longings of our hearts.

When we discuss men, we say we desire partners who are mentally, emotionally, sexually, financially, and spiritually mature.  Well, maturity knows maturity.  If we have not done our work and if we are not able to answer the question Ain’t I a Woman and define for ourselves what this mean, these men will pass us over.  Their lack of making us their choice will not be about men who cannot or will not stand with us in our pain and our glory, but these will be men who will not own our bullshit.

However, the 6 wise virgins who kept themselves full, knew their worth.  They set an intention that centered around Ain’t I a Woman who has needs that are expected to be met and expressed their faith through their actions of preparing themselves for the desires of their hearts.  In this case, the focus were the groomsmen.  In my imagination, these wise virgins were able to internalize they were enough and what a man brings is a bonus a wonderful exciting bonus.  These women could receive their men (any desires of their heart) as they had let go of the baggage and could travel lightly.  My, my, my I can imagine what a delicious night they must have had…lol.  I digress.  Sisters we must prepare ourselves.  Heal thyself.  Do the work.  If therapy is needed, make an appointment and go with the intention of sitting with the question “Ain’t I a Woman?”  What are the deepest desires and longings of your heart?  Ask the questions that you may need a shovel to excavate the answer.

The honor and the healing is in the work that we do for ourselves.  My ability to sustain myself came with the knowledge that I am unfolding, and there are layers to what I am learning.  The ultimate gift is not the end results the destination so to speak in our seeking but the diamonds, gold, rubies, and jewels that we learn about ourselves along the way.  This discovery is the truth that supports our understanding the answer to Sojourner Truth’s question as an unequivocal yes.  We are women who have begun to mature when we understand Ain’t I a Woman is more than about a gender role.  It is a declaration of taking our rightful places that is almost impossible to explain although we try.  We most certainly cannot be contained as women.  We have no borders.  Until and unless we become clear, all we do is recycle confusion from one experience or relationship until another.  My declaration today is I reclaim myself.  All of me, particularly the adventurous, curious, sexual, and wild side of me.  I no longer peek through the window of another woman’s experience.  I make my own.

Some of you may say you do not need a man.   How true when need is used in such a pejorative way.  For me, having a male friend ask the question that my friend did, pushed me to go deeper than I would have with my sisters.  I would have justified my answers and kept it moving.  Besides, who said having a male friend had to be romantic?  I have found enjoyment in some of my male friends.  For my sisters, who would like a relationship, I have included a poem that I wrote titled Call My Name.  Until we see ourselves, it does not matter who see us.  We will miss the truth of all that is available to us including a loving relationship.

I said call my name and you said Love.

I said I’m waiting for you to call my name and you said Peace.

I asked again call my name and you said Solitude.

I looked and my facial expression said call my name. You said Laughter.

Tears rolled. I needed you to see me. I screamed call my name. You said I have.

 

Tresa Simmons

Copyright 17-10-17

All Rights Reserved

 

 

We never know how what we experience may seem so simple and yet be so profound for our lives.  I was looking at a video on Facebook that highlighted what the videographer calls Daymond John’s humble beginnings.  In that video, Mr. Johns was quoted, “Don’t wait for the ‘perfect time’, you will wait forever.  Always take advantage of the time that you’re given.” This quote came to mind at an odd time.  On Valentine’s Day, I was drying off from my shower thinking, do I lotion down with my Jergens and Shea butter lotion or do I lotion down with my heavenly scents?  These questions coupled with the quote really caught me off guard in a solar plexus kind of way.  I realized in that moment I most often use my heavenly scent products when something special is about to go down.  I may be going out with my friends, ritualizing, celebrating me for something that I deemed as extraordinary or at least out of the ordinary for me, or for that word…lol…a man.

All of the reasons that I gave were valid for why I took extra care with my body, but those reasons are no longer enough.  I am special.  Sisters we are special, and that is enough.  I found myself counting the various lotions and sprays that I have purchased or were purchased for me from Bath and Body Works, Burlington, Marshalls, Victoria Secrets, homemade gifts by alchemists doing their thing, and where ever I can find lotions that I love the scent of.  There were over 16 of these products.   Some were new and some older; but what was clear as evidenced by all my products, I had been waiting on the perfect time to use them.  I am the perfect time.  Ladies, sisters, we are the perfect time.  We are that special event we are looking for.

I wish I could be able to write I have changed my life and had a 360 degree change in the way that I promote my own self-care, but this would not be an accurate statement.  I have become aware, and awareness is the first step.  Becoming intentional about my self-care has been hit and miss for me.  One of my coaches consistently says “being impeccable with your self-care” must become a commitment.

When lifting weights to build our muscles, we have to start right where we are.  That may be a different place for each of us.  The premise is the same with making ourselves a priority.  As with any weight training program, the food that is eaten can make or break the results of the lifter.  The words that we speak over our life are like food for our conscious and subconscious mind.

In recent years, I have become more vocal on women celebrating themselves.  This experience, once again, has me contemplating how different my life would be as my view of myself continuously shifts.  I am getting more excited; and as I do, I know sisters we must be gentle with ourselves as we leave the judgment out.  Choosing to reshape what has been the normalcy of our lackluster self-care regime is no small feat.  It is a moment by moment experience.  Each experience will create stronger desires and proclivities for the special you.  The ‘you’ that you enjoy and can’t wait to hang with while consistently engaging your brain cells and heart in ways to out-do yourself again and again.

It is my desire, sisters, for all of us that we begin to eat and breathe self-care.  We can all succeed in cultivating this new way of life with a joyful heart when we are willing to become that ‘special event’ that we celebrate daily in a special way.  We also succeed in loving ourselves as a ‘new normal’ when we become willing to do all of the things for ourselves that we desire from others even when we do not have too.  That night as I lotion with one of my heavenly scents, I felt very much empowered.  I wasn’t waiting for something I deemed worthy of my lotions.  No mam.  I became the special.  Not only did I feel good, I smelled delicious.  Recently, I was told I Am holy ground.  I say to you my sisters…you are holy ground.  Take your shoes off and honor yourselves.

-Tresa

I Am My First Ministry by Tresa Simmons

We, sisters, are our first ministry.  “I am my first ministry.  I am sacred.  I am the one I have been seeking (waiting for)” has become my mantras or affirmations as some would say.  Initially, words such as these were just nice catch phrases.  Words that sounded good that sounded right to my ears.  Of course, I can say they made sense….a little.  I mean how many times had I heard them before they began to tug at me to view them up closer, to dig deeper for meaning, to acknowledge they have life giving properties that can change my life?

While I have written about three of my favorite mantras that are courting me on a daily basis to spend more time with them, to listen to them, and to snuggle with them, it is ‘I am my first ministry’ that I want to write about.  Sisters how many of us continue to put others before ourselves to the detriment of self-betrayal and dishonoring ourselves?  We cannot pour from an empty cup not even for ourselves.  We cannot give to others what we do not have; and when we put ourselves last, we have nothing for ourselves or them.

Today, let’s take time to replenish ourselves.  There are what I call sacred baths where we are intentional about putting bubble bath, bath balms, oils, or using music and other modalities to set the stage keeping ourselves at the forefront of our minds.  We are worthy to serve ourselves in dignity and respect with the highest order of planning in mind.  When we prepare the ambiance and set the stage to take time to read a favorite book or cook ourselves a healthy and delicious meal, we are displaying love for ourselves.  We are teaching ourselves and others how we expect to be treated.  Sometimes sisters we have been our own worst enemies.  What about exercising in whatever form we choose?  Singing, writing poetry, prayer, and meditation are other forms of self-care.  The key here is putting ourselves first with intention.  Treating ourselves with kindness and love.  Standing powerful in our truth that “I am my first ministry” are not just words.  They are actions that heal us and allow us to experience the world differently.

If you are anything like me, you know once a mantra leaves your mouth, energetically it begins to create what we say as there is power in our words.  However, we also have to align with what we speak; and when we don’t align with the very thing we speak, we are like a planter who plants a seed with expectations of receiving the food planted only to keep digging it up again.  That can be scary.  After all, what will people think?  More importantly is what do we think?  We are challenged to question and or deny what we have said that does not line up with our new conversation and way of being.  When we continue to ask questions, not only are we keeping the seeds (words we have spoken) creating, but we are weeding them so our own negative thoughts and those of others cannot over-come us.  We have to change what we believe about ourselves.  Loving ourselves brings out the warrior in us, and this is ok.  If we do not take a stand for ourselves against our old mindset, who will?  None of the collective or anyone as an individual can champion us like we can for ourselves.

To say I have mastered these words, would be untruthful.  To say that I have expectations for them to take root in my very DNA and become my foundation of what and why I do what I do would be true.  I desire to remember that I am my first ministry, that I am sacred, and that I am who I seek (who I have been waiting for).  Sisters may you all find your mantras or affirmations that lift you up above the ways you dishonor and self-betray yourself.  May you be intentional with living a life that you are worthy, you are enough, and you are important!  Put yourself first.

-Tresa

Self-Care Resources and Products For You!

Body Positive by Just Natural can be purchased at Goodness Gracious INC. located at 19150 Livernois Ave. Detroit, MI

AMAZING Vegan Bath and Urban Sweat Co.  (Follow on Facebook) by Founder & CEO Paris Lynn

TAPN2U Your Own Universe – You / Treasure Map Experience (Follow on Facebook) by Founder & CEO Anita Caprice also inquire about her Skin Talk Facebook page