2020, The Grief and Broken Heart You Have Given to Me

Granny and Me in 2017

2020, The Grief and Broken Heart You Have Given to Me by Chellyz View_

– Granny this is dedicated to you

No matter how much you try to convince yourself you will be strong as you watch a loved one transition from their earthly form to evolving into a spiritual being, it isn’t easy. At some point, my family and I knew we couldn’t be selfish because we wanted her to stay. During one of my last visits, I whispered in her ear and assured Granny that we would be alright because we didn’t want her to suffer anymore. A couple of weeks before she left us, her last prayer was, “Father, take me to the Heavens,” with her hands lifted to the sky.

On November 15, 2020, at 2:13 pm, on a cold and windy day, my Granny took her last breath, tiptoed out of her bedroom of 62 years, and peacefully walked into Heaven. I know she was welcomed by the Heavenly Father, ancestors, and many individuals she missed so dearly.

One and a half years old with my Granny

I don’t know about you, but 2020 broke my heart and, at times, my spirit more than ever. There have been other years where I have faced heartache and pain, but this year’s rounds of ups and downs have been more severe. Thanksgiving was very different this year. We didn’t have Granny, but we had each other. My family is small, but we have big hearts. This holiday taught me the importance of what courage and love from family truly meant though we may not always agree. We understood without a doubt that we can lean on each other. We smiled, laughed, danced, cried, and created new beautiful memories despite our sadness. I know Granny is proud of us!

First Family Thanksgiving without Granny 2020

Grief is very draining, and it can deplete every bit of you. It was challenging to grieve during this pandemic. Only so many people could attend the funeral and no risk of having a repass because we wanted to be cautious. As a grieving heart begins to heal, there will be those painful times when things seem so heavy. A challenging moment occurred while I was trying to find a song for Granny’s slide show. It was dark outside, and the tears began to flow while playing a rendition of “Grandma’s Hands.” Suddenly, the sun peaked through my window for a quick second. It felt as if Granny stopped by and hugged me right then, and I felt a sense of peace and thankfulness.

I must admit one of the most important lessons I learned this year is to be grateful for every minute. Family members, friends, legends, and famous people have been leaving this Earth in record numbers; it seems this year. Show appreciation to those you love before it’s too late. Try to forgive others and ask others to forgive you. However, if the efforts of resolving old wounds and binding broken relationships go awry, then it is time to let things go.

I know you heard this a thousand times (probably in a previous post), but life is too short to hold on to bitterness and anger. Life is too precious to hang on to people who keep reminding you of who or what you used to be. You know the ones who don’t know how to let go of the past. The present time is waiting for you to live life to the fullest with your presence even while navigating through grief!

Granny at her 70th Birthday Party

We are moving closer to a new year. I can’t promise you that soon as the clock strikes midnight in 2021, everything will be perfect. So, don’t wait for 2021 to find peace. Find it now. Be grateful now. Search for what can heal you now. Grow through this now. Learn to find a moment every day to practice thankfulness now.

It’s ok not to be strong all the time. Please know it is alright to lean on others that can help you. Reach out to someone now. Take care of yourself now. Look to the Holy Father to help you renew your strength now. 2020, you might have broken my heart in so many pieces, but step to the side while I welcome Love, Peace, and Happiness. I know with time time my grieving heart will slowly mend!

-Let your heart be full of new ventures that will lead you to the possibilities of limitless conversations!

Jeff Lorber featuring Eric Benet. “Grandma’s Hands.” He Had a Hat, Blue Note Records, 2007.

I’m about to! By Chellyz View

I don’t know about you, but 2020 has me feeling, “Cray, Cray.” Not sure if people still use that phrase, but who cares! Hell, that’s how I feel! I have dealt with fear, frustration, confusion, gratefulness, thankfulness, sadness,  and unpreparedness. Well, I think you get the picture. Many emotions have invaded my body and mind to the point where I felt I needed to walk around with a do not trespass sign on my forehead. With everything that is going on I am learning how to navigate through these overwhelming amount of feelings.

If I am uncertain about anything, one thing is for sure; I have decided to adopt a phrase my children state often. Usually, when I ask them to complete a task or chore, their response in the abbreviated edition is, “I’m bout to.” Well, that is what I have decided to do. “I am about to” embrace this life like never before.

Though COVID-19 is still out there lurking in every corner of our lives, and ready to snatch the next victim, I can’t live in fear. I stay prayed up, masked up, and try to be as cautious as I can. This year, I have witnessed individuals who were too young personally and from afar leave this Earth before reaching half a century. Before I know it, if the Holy Spirit allows, I will be approaching that AARP stage. With that being said, I’m about to live each day with a purpose, plan, and peacefulness, as I have never experienced before.

On that note….

I am about to uninvite myself to arguments that take up my energy.

I am about to use my voice to advocate for myself. No, that doesn’t mean I am the angry black woman.

I am about to scream or curse as deemed appropriate to help me release tension.

I am about to finish projects that have been placed on my heart to complete before the end of the year.

I am about to become more disciplined to complete a certification I have been lazy about.

I am about to create my happiness when those around me disappoint me.

I am about to push depression to the side when it tries to consume my soul and accept help when needed to have a healthier mindset.

I am about to let others know their emergency doesn’t become my emergency, but I will offer the necessary resources when available to help them become self-sufficient.

I am about to love myself more.

I am about to make it clear others will not stress me out.

I am about to say no when I want to without guilt.

I am about to shed the unnecessary weight be it related to pounds or people that holds me down.

I am about to take risks when doubt tries to step on my toes and keeps me from pursuing my dreams.

I am about to accept accountability for my misjudgments and mistakes and continue to grow, heal, and move on.

I am about to stay encouraged when the enemy wants me to remain defeated.

I am about to get my finances in order.

I am about to focus on what is ahead of me instead of what has passed.

I am about to live my life to the fullest based on my terms.

I am about to walk with confidence when low self-esteem tries to persuade me that I am not good enough.

I am about to cry when I need to, laugh when I want to, and relax when I must.

I am about to stop talking about what I need to do and just put forth the effort to make things happen.

I am about to trust in the Holy Spirit more.

I am about to increase my faith and spiritual life.

I will add to this list if need be. Not one moment is promised to us. So, I am about to do what I need to do for my sanity. What about you? 

-Let your heart be full of new ventures that will lead you to the possibilities of limitless conversations!