Da Detroit Tigers Opening Day, this Thursday, March 29, 2018


Detroit Tigers Stadium

Comerica Park:  Home of the Detroit Tigers / Photo Credit:   Eye Capture U 2 Photography LLC

Da Detroit Tigers Opening Day, this Thursday, March 29, 2018

 by Klassy K 

What’s up home skillets! It’s your girl coming back at cha! Did ya miss me? Well I missed all of you, including the 3 fans that I have. Sorry for the long hiatus, was in a shot gun wedding, yee hahhh! I was in Las Vegas and don’t ask what I did, because what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. I can at least tell you that it was 69 degrees in Las Vegas while I was there, beautiful I tell you, but what was so odd is when I left last Sunday, I was told that it was 67 degrees here in Michigan? Ok, can ya’ll tell me, what happened? How did it go from 67 degrees to bi-polar degrees? Well, you got to love it, right?

Well, what’s not to love about the excitement that is about to take place this Thursday at Comerica Park? What, you don’t KNOW!?? It’s the Tigers baby, baby, baaaaaaaby! Well, to all my die-hard Tigers fans, it’s opening day and I know you’re jumping up and down in excitement. I see ya! The Tigers opening day is scheduled for this Thursday, March 29, 2018. The Tigers will play the Pittsburgh Pirates at 1:10 pm.  Now, the Tigers were looking good in Florida, looking not winning, they lost more games than they won (.444). Damnnnn!!

Florida is where they get an all expensed paid trip every year to go for spring training practice. Yeah, they had to practice and play in the grueling heat for about 2 months or more, 70 sometimes 80 degree weather, while we suffer in the 10 degrees or if God is no longer mad at Michigan, he may grace us with 50. Can you please talk to God for us Mike Ilitch? We are looking for nice, warm and sunny weather this Thursday? Well, it is going to be in the 50’s this Thursday, so I guess we have to ACCEPT(*cough*sarcasm) that. Well, thanks Mike, you tried. J

Have you checked out the 2018 roster? We have Michael Fulmer, Miguel Cabrera and Nicholas Castellanos, but we lost former player(s) Justine Verlander and Brad Ausmus, they were all good looking! Google them and you’ll see what I am talking about. I’m already taken and I am pretty sure most of them are taken or married, because they got $$$, just kidding, you know it’s all about the love, yeah right, that comes second or does the baby come second??  Hey, I’m just saying! Do you know how much they make? If I told you, you’ll wonder why your parents tried to get you to learn how to play sports, college was only a back-up.

Well, if you can’t you can always call in sick or you can always use your kids as an excuse, but if you can come check out the boys in blue, white, gray and sometimes orange, no black. Try to be there early, because you know they are going to be giving out freebies! Be expecting a line though.

On a personal note, we miss you Mike, thanks for everything that you did for the city of Detroit. We know that you are smiling down watching your legacy continue. It will last forever. For schedules, tickets, or just anything else you want to know about the Tigers, you can check their website at https://www.mlb.com/tigers.

Klassy K’s Snapshots of Searching for the Perfect Tigers T-Shirt

– Klassy K Sports Corner: contributor writer for aheartfullofconversations.com 



A Review of Denitra Townsend’s: Strolling Monologues – Royal African Women! 2018


Denitra Townsend

Denitra Townsend Producer of Strolling Monologues – Royal African Women! 2018 & Owner of Unforgettable You, LLC


Denitra Townsend, the creator and producer of the Strolling Monologues, fashionably graced the stage with assurance, class, and confidence on Friday, February 23, 2018, at the Carr Center Art Gallery.  She is the founder of Unforgettable You, LLC which is a consulting company focusing on enhancing and beautifying one’s existence through fashion, hair, make-up, self-enhancement sessions and teaching proper social etiquette.  Townsend offers her consultation services on an individual basis and for businesses.  The origin of Unforgettable You, LLC began in 2005 as a part-time business.  By 2011 the vision flourished into a company that needed to be nurtured full-time.  Her mission, “is to help individuals embrace who they are fully by providing services that refine and manifest who they are unapologetically.  It is also my mission to inspire and empower through movements and art!”

The Strolling Monologues is a divine vision Townsend believes was assigned to her by God.  The monologues allow women to display their talents by telling the stories of prominent female figures who shaped history through their endurance, courage, and wisdom.  Five amazing women who are actresses, poets, and entrepreneurs delivered powerful Monologues for the evening.   They each studied and researched a historical African Queen and wrote their own monologue.  The theme for Strolling Monologues 2018 was: Royal African Women!  Townsend explained, “This platform allows me to combine my love and passion for fashion, beauty, and history and it also allows me to provide platforms for other creatives to display their talents.”  For three years the Strolling Monologues have been well received by attendees.  Townsend foresees the monologues as a tradition that will continue for many years.

On the evening of the event I sat amongst others who were captivated by the stories of legendary queens.   They were warriors for their country, leaders of the people, and devoted to fulfilling their mission in life.  The Carr Center wasn’t visited by onlookers who wanted to simply observe classic paintings held by enthusiastic walls.  Instead, the crowd sat patiently in inviting chairs while listening to powerful women present monologues that taught us lessons about honor, dedication, commitment, and strength.  Yes, an art gallery was transformed into a makeshift theater to educate our minds and nourish our inner beings.  I learned the Queen’s life narratives depicted the struggles and victories Women face today.  For those who were unable to join the journey, let me enlighten you.


Queen Nzinga

Alice Smith was a warrior as Queen Nzinga

Alice Smith played the role of Queen Nzinga.  She learned while studying the Queen she was “a warrior at heart.”  She said one of the aspects that inspired her about Queen Nzinga is it doesn’t matter what age you are in life because you can always make a difference.  Smith courageously told the story of Queen Nzinga:

Queen Nzinga of Angola was her father’s daughter from a second marriage.  However, unbeknownst to her, she would become ruler of her Nation.  Though her brother from her father’s first wife was appointed as king, he did not have the mental stability to withstand the demands of being a leader.   She was a fighter on the forefront of the battlefields.  The queen’s father was instrumental in teaching her to fight and hunt as a young girl.  She was known for toting a spear, bow and arrow or stick.  She not only used her fighting powers to protect her country, but she utilized her innate communication skills to represent her nation.  At a time when Portuguese wanted to invade Angola, her brother didn’t want to face the challenge to develop a strategy for peace.  Instead, Queen Nzinga accepted the task.  When she arrived at the meeting they did not respect her as a woman and refused to give her a seat amongst the other male leaders.  One of her servants who traveled with her was commanded by the Queen to sit on all fours and became her physical chair.

Her brother didn’t trust her skill set and eventually he lost his mind.  It is believed he committed suicide which led to her being appointed Queen of Angola.  In addition to her brother’s tragedy, her sister was kidnapped and killed.  Through her trying circumstances she persevered, and her strong leadership skills allowed her to fight for her country for 30 years.  By then she was 60 years old.  Queen Nzinga ensured her people would not become slaves under her ruling.  She was an advocate for her people until her death at the age of 80 years old, it was then her nation fell into the hands of captivity.

Queen Nzinga demeanor represents the modern-day woman who fights for many years to defend her family and territory.  Women continue to be warriors in the face of adversity and fear.  They are forced in roles to be brave before their time while their physical and mental stamina is questioned.   Based on a woman’s femininity they are thought to be “too girly”, or “soft” to be powerful.  During the month of March, National Women’s History Month is celebrated.  Women continue to demand and fight for respect until the day they perish from the earth just as Queen Nzinga did centuries ago.


Queen Yennenga
Eradajere Oleita became the Free-Spirited Queen Yennenga

Queen Yennenga was portrayed by Eradajere Oleitta.  This young lady is originally from West Africa which is the same origin of her character.  You can say this role was tailored made for her.  She learned about her character in a week.  Oleitta admitted she “freestyled” which allowed her to master-key points about the Queen.  Oleitta proudly told the story of Queen Yennenga:

Queen Yennenga wore many hats as daughter, princess, and warrior.  However, her greatest desire in life was to birth a child.  Her father groomed her to become a warrior at the precious age of 14 years old.  She was fierce, swift, and could skillfully kill a lion from a 12-foot distance.  Queen Yennenga’s father encouraged her to be whatever she thought was possible in life but never supported her vision of being a wife and mother.  He envisioned her as being a horse rider fighting for her country.  Eventually, she planned an escape to pursue her dreams.  She fled her country with a companion, but he was killed during their travels.  As she recovered from a broken heart she crossed paths with an Elephant Hunter.  The two fell in love and she gave birth to a son.  The Queen was proud because it was the greatest accomplishment in her life.

Isn’t that how life is at times?  Society tells a Women they are not successful until they have a career, acquire a six-figure salary and receive the highest accolades from people who barely know their name.  Wearing the title and fulfilling the roles of “Mother” and/or “Wife” is just as important as playing the role of “Business Leader” or “CEO.”   It doesn’t matter if childbirth is natural or adopted, becoming a mother can be the happiest moment in many women lives.  It isn’t fair when family members or friends to tell someone what their dreams should be.  It should be someone’s lifelong goal to find the courage that shapes and fosters their visions, so they can materialize in life.


Queen Amanirenas
Assata Haki demanded attention as Queen Amanirenas

Assata Haki performed the role of Queen Amanirenas.  She informed the audience it was difficult gathering information about her role because her story has never been fully decoded or transcribed.  At times she felt the information had to be deciphered between facts vs. opinions.  Haki expressed it was important to give “the history of where she came from so you can understand her greatness.”  She also indicated the strength and power the Queen embodied became a part of her and helped developed the character.  Haki dutifully told the audience about Queen Amanirenas:

It is stated Queen Amanirenas was from the ancient African Kingdom of Kush also known as Nubia.  Her leadership skills were impeccable.  Her land was rich and full of resources such as timber, leather, gold, and ivory which made it a hub for unlimited trading opportunities.  She was tough in her own right.  She lived a considerably modest life until the Roman Chief Magistrate Augustus Caesar made the decision to increase taxes on the land.  Then let’s say, “All Hell Broke Loose.”  Literally!  While Augustus was away the Queen used her leadership skills with the help of her son to strategically build an army of thousands of men.  She fought and marched with her crew and invaded the Roman territory.  Historically, she is the only Queen known to mankind to defeat a Roman Army.  Her loyalty and dedication for her country was so detrimental she lost one of her eyes in battle.  Though she won the fight the war was not over.  Queen Amanirenas fought many years to defend her country.  Unfortunately, she had to retreat but the Queen played a beneficial role in constructing a peace treaty.  Her bravery and courageous acts gained her invaluable respect from the Romans.

Queen Amanirenas represents the Woman who is not afraid to put on the whole Armor of God to face her battles.  She is the devoted woman who stands by her family in times of distress.  She is the loyal community leader who is the champion for her neighborhood.  She affirms confidence even when opposition tries to steal her dreams.  Even her losses illustrate monumental gains. Historically, women rights were suppressed and a falsehood of being inferior was encouraged.  However, women have led demonstrations, crusades, and campaigns with the results showing we can be triumphant even when the moment appears to be bleak.


Queen Makeda
Trina Williams played a humble role as Queen Makeda

Trina Williams became Queen Makeda.  She extracted information from documentaries and from the Bible to learn about her character.  Williams said the elements she admired about Queen Makeda was, “I loved her presence, beauty, and grace.”  Williams gave reference to Luke 12:48 by mentioning, “to whom much is given, much will be required.”  She humbly explained in her monologue; the Queen took everything she had to acquire her wisdom.

Queen Makeda who was also called Queen Sheba is known to be a prominent figure in the Bible. The Queen of Sheba was a wealthy woman.  Her kingdom possessed over 30 acres of land and was considered a place of two paradises.  Queen Makeda had a quest in life to find the ultimate answer to obtain wisdom and knowledge.  Her destination to find wisdom consisted of leading a caravan to Jerusalem.  She did not travel lightly.  On her 3000-mile trip of 75 days she took a total of 4 ½ tons of gold and 45 camels.   Upon her arrival she offered her gifts to King Solomon and asked him many questions to find the wisdom she was searching for.  On her journey she found her answer.  She learned it was the true understanding of knowing God’s Love for herself provided all the wisdom and knowledge her heart could hold.  In the play it was stressed, “Historians and archeologists searched for the wisdom she found, and it came freely from the Almighty God.”

It’s amazing how something that appears to be complex to answer can be addressed simplistically.  Haven’t you been in a place of struggling to answer the tough questions in life?  Many of us may not have her wealth but we have been in her situation.  Have you ever looked for love in a relationship that caused more pain than joy?  Have you ever hoped to find approval from a parent(s) or guardian(s) to justify the importance of your existence?  Have you ever sought acceptance from your friends or colleagues, so you can “fit in?”  Have you ever indulged in addictive behaviors to grant instantaneous self-gratification that leads to a downward spiral of negative results?  Some of us travel a life time yearning for wisdom and knowledge to answer the questions of life and to find the gift of unconditional love.  The answers are there if we stop the collateral damage and peel off the painted masks, so we can accept God’s Love.  It doesn’t mean we will never face trials, but we will be equipped with the peace, wisdom, and knowledge to calm the raging storms of life.


Queen Amina
Linda Jones-Remson strongly represented her role as Queen Amina

Linda Jones-Remson depicted the character of Queen Amina.  She told the audience her character gave her strength.  Remson took the approach of becoming her character was, “The way I prepared I lost my mind…but I found it grounded in strength and power not questioning Who I am but knowing Who I am and being confident in that.”  Remson’s voice resonated with boldness and power as she powerfully gave the narrative of Queen Amina.

Queen Amina of Zaria was nine years old when she was taught about the stamina and strength to become a warrior.  She was the eldest of three siblings with her eldest brother in mind of becoming ruler of Zaria.  However, a different plan unfolded, and she would later be appointed Queen.  At age 16, her military training equipped her to be one of the Biggest, Boldest, and Bravest Women during her time.  Her brother believed in her robustness and agility and decided to appoint her Chief Political Strategist over 10,000 men.  She was faithful to her country that was known for trading metal, cloth, and leather.  It was her desire for Zaria to become one of the Greatest Nations in the Continent.  Queen Amina fought in battles alongside her brother.  During a wage of war, she witnessed the enemy slit her brother’s throat which caused his death.  At that moment she became ruler.  During her reign on the throne she built one of the highest walls which still exists in North Nigeria.  Though she never married or had children the stories of her legendary acts are still passed on from generation to generation.

Queen Zaria represents the woman who is considered a true “Boss Lady.”  She didn’t buckle down or wasn’t intimidated by man’s authority.  She was simultaneously loyal to her family and her country. Today, she is the voice of bravery.  She is the warrior in the boardroom or the classroom.  She is the leader on the block or the courtroom.  She represents the charismatic and self-reliant woman of today.  She is the Queen people envy because she does not allow her feminism to be defined by how others think she should be but by who she is destined to become.


My daughter and I at Strolling Monologues

My Daughter Princess Mya and I at the Strolling Monologues – Royal African Women! 2018

After watching three separate showings of the Strolling Monologues in one night I felt Empowered and Ashamed.  I was empowered because there are bits and pieces of me that represent each Queen.  When I am called a Queen, or my daughter is called a Princess, they are terms that we shouldn’t use unmindful.  We are Queens and Princesses who deserve respect and fight to win battles on our demanding jobs, while facing peer pressure or bullying at school, advocating for transformation in our communities, raising families in a society filled with anger, or entrepreneurs building empires.  I felt proud and it reassured me, and my daughter can achieve the desires of our heart if we instill in ourselves we possess the fortitude and adeptness of our ancestors.  At the same time, I was ashamed because the lessons I learned from these amazing women was something I should have taught my daughter years ago.  However, it is never too late.  The Strolling Monologues encouraged me to take ample time to teach my daughter about the accomplishments of our ancestors as a household tradition.

It was enlightening to sit next to two young queens who also enjoyed the show.  I met Sharisa Robertson and Nastassia Rena who are both from Detroit.  They enjoyed themselves.  Sharisa stated the play was, “reinforcement after seeing the Black Panther.”  She also added, “I learned a lot.  Somethings I did not know at all.  It was entertaining, and it put me at ease.”  Nastassia Rena concurred with Robertson and said she enjoyed it as well.  Watching the play also helped her decide about a tattoo she wanted.  She said “I was looking for a tattoo. I was looking for an African Warrior.”  After watching the Monologues, she decided to get a tattoo that represented Queen Amina because she inspired her.  She heard of the Queen but never knew her story.


The Strolling Monologue Queens

The Royal Producer and Cast of the Strolling Monologues

On that Friday evening Ms. Townsend should be proud of honoring her motto in life.  Ms. Townsend stated her personal motto is that, “The only time you’ll have failures are the times you never give yourself the opportunity to win.”  Strolling Monologues  –  Royal African Women 2018 was a winner.  Lord willing, my daughter and I will be there next year:  Friday, February 22, 2019.  I invite you to partake in next year’s lesson also and don’t forget to study throughout the entire year!

The 2018 Production and Design Team of Strolling Monologues

The Production and Design Team that made the evening feel like Royalty!


-Let your heart be full of new ventures that will lead you to the possibilities of limitless conversations!

Life Happens by Tresa Simmons

life happens

LIFE HAPPENS By Tresa Simmons

Life happens.  These are the words that initially came to me while feeling bereft about a situation I went through recently that I could not control no matter how bad I wanted to.  When I got honest, I was able to say life does happen, but this situation is a creation of my own making.  I had to take responsibility and own that I brought suffering to my door.  “How does this serve me? “  In other words, “what is the payoff for me finding myself in the same situation again?”  “Why do I keep doing the same thing expecting different results?”  My conditioned response led me to focus my attention on what happened and the details of the matter.  Being willing to step aside and view the situation as if it was not happening to me allowed me to process the answer differently.   “How does this serve me” became does the way that I think about this issue perpetuate more of the same?  I knew I had to change my focus as I asked what am I thinking and believing about me.

As I talked to a dear friend about my assessment of the situation, we began to talk about another topic our history with money.  I was able to admit that my teachings about money have been minimal particularly how to have a relationship with it.  I discussed the informal training I received on what to say to the bill collectors when they called and by observing the adults around me not only in my home but through my friends’ parents as well.  “Tell them no one is home if they come to the door,” or ring, ring, ring “hello you have the wrong number and or she/he is not home” when the adults were standing in my presence.  Sometimes I saw the fear in their eyes or the sigh of relief.  This blog is not about judging my parents or anyone else’s parents.

What I am clear about is I internalized as a child what I saw and experienced and carried those viewpoints into my adult hood creating unnecessary suffering that had nothing to do with life happening.  There is a Bible verse that says a little leaven pervades the whole loaf (my interpretation).  In other words, our character is our character in every area of our life, and it cannot be compartmentalized to certain areas.  So I suggest sisters that we began to pay attention not just to the details of our situations because they may show up different but pay attention to the patterns in our life.  In most cases, we all can begin to see invisible threads that are attached to a core belief.  Avoiding the bill collectors taught me how to avoid anything that I do not want to deal with, and it left me feeling I could not be responsible for not only my money but for other areas as well.   Watching the adults’ body language and words created for me unconsciously that life is about struggle rather than being graceful, particularly as it related to my money.  For many years, I struggled with guilt as I began to prosper when others in my circle or family did not have.  I eventually learned I was cursing my blessings.

As we look at our life, let’s become transparent and honest with ourselves.  Let’s look at where we are and the feedback our life is giving to us.  It will not lie.  The feedback cannot lie.  Eventually, I saw money was not my issue.  This is a continuous learning process.  When I find myself in an emotional or physical quagmire about my money, I am beginning to question my ideas, feelings, and emotions while I look at the situation (life’s feedback) because the feedback will let you know if you are regressing, standing still, or making progress.   When we are children (immature on a topic), we see, speak, and think as women with limited skills; when we become adults, we exchange immaturity for maturity and wisdom in the way we see, speak, and think about our what we are going through.  Asking myself questions about money elicited strong emotions from me; but as I eased my way with intention paying attention clarity came.  With each lens becoming more focused, I began to feel like I was releasing a breath that I never knew I was holding.  Sort of like waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Money may not be an issue for you.  It could be relationships, careers, etc.;  If you keep finding yourself repeating the same or similar situation like a scene out of the movie Ground Hog’s Day, I would say it is time to take an inner journey of self-exploration rather than looking at the outside situation wandering and thinking ‘not again’ or ‘how did I get here again’.  I have also learned not just any question will do.  When the right questions are asked and answered in integrity, our failures become lessons and our lessons become well learned blessings as we pay attention to life’s feedback.  This will require we get clear about what we know that we don’t know as evident through life’s feedback.  We may have to utilize someone with more experience around our topic.  Don’t beat yourself up.  Awareness is the first step.  Remember the journey is just as important as arriving at our destination, and the goal is to learn our lessons along the way so we can be mature enough to honor the gift when we arrive.  Otherwise, we will sabotage or destroy the very thing we wanted.

This does not mean that we will not be challenged as we master our curriculum in life, but the reward is being able to have peace of mind and see ourselves being promoted to the next grade.  I do not know about you, but there have been many years I had to repeat the same curriculum over and over in certain areas of my life.  I did not die, although it felt like I was at times.  Also know this does not mean we may not see an old habit or pattern show up again.  From elementary to college, we learn math but a more advanced version of it.  Life can be this way too.  Celebrate yourselves each time you advance.  We also may have to refer to a previous textbook, and so is life.  Sometimes we may have to take time to review where we have come from and what we have learned to refresh our memory.  There is nothing wrong with this.  In fact, it is wisdom.  One of my coaches would say “It is layers to this shit.”  Indeed, it is.

Additional Resources

Rhonda Hemphill / Primera Representative – http://www.primerica.com/rhemphill

DeAnn Jordan / @destiny_consulting_group on Instagram or http://www.myfes.net/djordan3

Rolanda Kennedy / The Kennedy Experience Consulting LLC Facebook Page or @thekennedyexperienceconsulting on Instagram

Operation Hope in Detroit:  Level One Bank 440 Burroughs Street, Suite 522 Detroit, MI 48202 / 313-686-3113 ; Fifth Third Bank (Northwest Activity Center) 18100 Meyers Road Detroit, MI 48235 / 313-506-9192

Wayne Metro Community Action Agency (Financial Empowerment Center) http://www.waynemetro.org / 313-388-9799




Da Red Wings: Will they make it to the Playoff’s?


Detroit sport team hats

Da Red Wings: Will they make it to the Playoff’s? by Klassy K

What’s up home skillets!  It’s your girl and I am back with another opinionated, yet somewhat factual article. Now that the Little Caesar Arena is completed and all the sports teams with an exception of the Tigers and the Lions, oh my, has broken it in, maybe it’s time for some serious action to begin. You know that kind of action that makes you go dig into your closet and find some old Detroit shirt that you have not worn since the playoff’s or Stanley Cup Championship which was back when my 13-year-old was not even thought of, but we are not going to get into that. Yeah, that shirt, you’ll know it when you see it!

You know that type of action that later turns into excitement? Well, in case you do not know what that “excitement” is, it’s knowing that your team may make it to the Playoffs. Yeah baby! Well before you get too excited, please understand that Da Red Wings, yeah Da Red Wings, are currently ranked 5th in the Eastern Conference. I know, I know it’s too early to say for right now if they will make the playoffs because the season does not end until April 7, then playoffs are set to begin four days after. Da Red Wings have won 2 out of 5 recent games and I am thinking they are probably saying to themselves, “Look we can’t be like the Pitifuls, (*cough*) Pistons!” Oh what shade!

If you have not heard Da Red Wings just traded their forward Tomas Tatar, “who”, yeah he is not a “Blake Griffin”, but to sum it up he was a cute, middle age Caucasian guy with all of his teeth that was a pretty good hockey player.  Apparently, Da Red Wings want to start fresh, out with the old and the ones with the good teeth.  Some news outlets are saying, “the Red Wings are the biggest losers at the NHL’s trade deadline”, ouch! But that’s not even the biggest ouch, have you seen the ticket prices?  I’m going to give you a clue and then I’m going to see if you can figure it out.  It’s the price of a pack of 12- inch human weave hair, 1 Air Jordan shoe, not a pair, home skillets, brace yourself, $100 and “up.” Please don’t ask for the “up” amount, you may do the gas face!

Yes, and these are the nose bleed seating prices, but if you want to see the Octopussy thrown on the cold ice and see the boys in red and white, they are playing tonight March 2nd.  However, if you’re not getting paid this week and want to check them out on another day, check out their website https://www.nhl.com/redwings/.

-Klassy K’s Sports Korner, contributor blog writer for aheartfullofconversations.com


Ain’t I a Woman???? by Tresa Simmons

Ain't I A Woman Picture

Ain’t I a Woman???? by Tresa Simmons

As I sit here contemplating what to write, I thought about a conversation that I recently had with a male friend who came to me and said, “All I have ever wanted to do was love you.  Why won’t you let me?”  I gave valid reasons, at least to me.  The main one being if I have to make a choice “you’ or ‘me’ than it will always be me, and I stand by that truth.  Never again will I sacrifice Tresa for a man.

However, this question has been haunting me rising up and dropping like a loud thud in my psyche.   I knew I needed to go deeper for myself rather than accept my surface answer.  When I think about my upbringing, I had the idea that I could not sustain a relationship with both man and God.  I surely must choose one or the other because you cannot serve God and man.  Neither were getting the best of me because I did not come bringing the best of me. Can you imagine the psychotic roller coaster I was on?  Hormones raging as a woman, and piety and self-righteous bullshit as a ‘Christian’.  Now, don’t get all up in arms.  I am not negating or affirming what some would consider their Christian values; but what I know to be true for me and many women is we forgot as women we had the capability to give life to all things including ourselves.  We not only birthed babies, but sometimes we created bricks without straw to make sure our families had.  We supported our men until our shoulders were bent while birthing ideas into success; but mostly, we denied ourselves.  We forgot, unlike Sojourner Truth who asked the question “Ain’t I a Woman?”

My judgments about sisters who vibrated with Sojourner Truth’s words Ain’t I a Woman played in my mind as I wrote, especially since I have become my sisters.  Their freedom was more than having babies with a man and being the dutiful wife, or saying yes when they wanted to say no.   Taking ownership of how we desire to live our lives is the ultimate freedom, and these women declared they could have it all.  Some women chose to do so without children, and some with a family.   Those that chose motherhood learned the art of walking that tight rope of balance.  I have so much respect for these courageous women who laughed in the face of those who said certain topics were taboo and ‘good’ women didn’t indulge.  I would hear some of my dear friends, sisters, and female family members talk about many topics while laughing and being animated.  Sex was often a topic at the top of the list with these women, and they spoke about it in ways that I imagine both men and women both do among themselves, ie funny, ratchet stories, pain, hurt, love all with deep emotions.  Then there were those times that the sisterhood spoke in hushed tones the type that was mesmerizing.  You knew something deep was about to be said about sex in terms of intimacy in its sacredness a gift, if you will.

This gift had other sisters longing with that far-away look in their eyes or like me wishing to experience what I felt I was missing.  A seed was being planted for those of us in the room who had not experienced the sacredness of relationship with a partner that is so empowering by way of the give and take of energy, respect, kindness, and love that both parties got their needs met?  It is our season. It is not too late.  We can have the desires of our hearts, and we must begin with our own desires.  Dare to be honest.  Ain’t I a Woman is about possessing all of you?  Diving deep into the relationship with ourselves as women…in-to-me-I-see.  Intimacy with oneself takes honesty, integrity, and raw unapologetic honor.  Together they create a soul that is unwavering in her relationship with herself.  This woman is able to answer the question ‘what do I want’.  Now, that my sister, is very sexy, and sexy does look good on you.

My friends’ question “All I have ever wanted to do was to love you.  Why won’t you let me” is bringing me full circle.  I ask myself sisters did I know how to let this man or any man love me?  Have I ever known how?  What does that really mean to me?  Will love take my breath and my freedom away?  How can I receive love from another when self-love has not been the magic potion that I eat, drink, and sleep?  He is not perfect which may have been his greatest flaw in my mind.  How many of us have felt that way?  Surely, it is because we have desired for our men to give to us what we need first to give to ourselves.  So when he asked me the question and I gave my answer, his retort was “what do you need?”  Yep, he did that.  He called me out.  How many of us are experiencing moments like these?  How do I answer that question?  I didn’t know what to say.  Until I do, sisters until you can, with the understanding we need nothing although we require many things we will be like the 12 virgins of 6 whom were foolish.  The 6 foolish allowed their oil (energy, truth, understanding of and value for themselves) to go out of their lamps. They were depleted; and when their groomsman came, they missed him.  Timing is everything.  We must position ourselves in preparation for the longings of our hearts.

When we discuss men, we say we desire partners who are mentally, emotionally, sexually, financially, and spiritually mature.  Well, maturity knows maturity.  If we have not done our work and if we are not able to answer the question Ain’t I a Woman and define for ourselves what this mean, these men will pass us over.  Their lack of making us their choice will not be about men who cannot or will not stand with us in our pain and our glory, but these will be men who will not own our bullshit.

However, the 6 wise virgins who kept themselves full, knew their worth.  They set an intention that centered around Ain’t I a Woman who has needs that are expected to be met and expressed their faith through their actions of preparing themselves for the desires of their hearts.  In this case, the focus were the groomsmen.  In my imagination, these wise virgins were able to internalize they were enough and what a man brings is a bonus a wonderful exciting bonus.  These women could receive their men (any desires of their heart) as they had let go of the baggage and could travel lightly.  My, my, my I can imagine what a delicious night they must have had…lol.  I digress.  Sisters we must prepare ourselves.  Heal thyself.  Do the work.  If therapy is needed, make an appointment and go with the intention of sitting with the question “Ain’t I a Woman?”  What are the deepest desires and longings of your heart?  Ask the questions that you may need a shovel to excavate the answer.

The honor and the healing is in the work that we do for ourselves.  My ability to sustain myself came with the knowledge that I am unfolding, and there are layers to what I am learning.  The ultimate gift is not the end results the destination so to speak in our seeking but the diamonds, gold, rubies, and jewels that we learn about ourselves along the way.  This discovery is the truth that supports our understanding the answer to Sojourner Truth’s question as an unequivocal yes.  We are women who have begun to mature when we understand Ain’t I a Woman is more than about a gender role.  It is a declaration of taking our rightful places that is almost impossible to explain although we try.  We most certainly cannot be contained as women.  We have no borders.  Until and unless we become clear, all we do is recycle confusion from one experience or relationship until another.  My declaration today is I reclaim myself.  All of me, particularly the adventurous, curious, sexual, and wild side of me.  I no longer peek through the window of another woman’s experience.  I make my own.

Some of you may say you do not need a man.   How true when need is used in such a pejorative way.  For me, having a male friend ask the question that my friend did, pushed me to go deeper than I would have with my sisters.  I would have justified my answers and kept it moving.  Besides, who said having a male friend had to be romantic?  I have found enjoyment in some of my male friends.  For my sisters, who would like a relationship, I have included a poem that I wrote titled Call My Name.  Until we see ourselves, it does not matter who see us.  We will miss the truth of all that is available to us including a loving relationship.

I said call my name and you said Love.

I said I’m waiting for you to call my name and you said Peace.

I asked again call my name and you said Solitude.

I looked and my facial expression said call my name. You said Laughter.

Tears rolled. I needed you to see me. I screamed call my name. You said I have.


Tresa Simmons

Copyright 17-10-17

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